Beaumont and Fletcher's Works, Vol. 01 of 10: the Custom of the CountryFletcher, John
General
Beaumont and Fletcher's Works, Vol. 01 of 10: the Custom of the Country
Fletcher, John
Brothers -- Drama; English drama -- 17th century; Sex customs -- Drama; Tragicomedy
_Rut._ I fell into it by chance, I broke my shins for't:
Your worships feel not that: I knockt my head
Against a hundred posts, would you had had it.
Cannot I break my neck in my own defence?
_2 Offi._ This will not serve: you cannot put it off so,
Your coming thither was to play the villain,
To fire the Powder, to blow up that part o'th' City.
_Rut._ Yes, with my nose: why were the trap-doors open?
Might not you fall, or you, had you gone that way?
I thought your City had sunk.
_1 Offi._ You did your best Sir,
We must presume, to help it into th' Air,
If you call that sinking: we have told you what's the law,
He that is taken there, unless a Magistrate,
And have command in that place, presently
If there be nothing found apparent near him
Worthy his torture, or his present death,
Must either pay his fine for his presumption,
(Which is six hundred Duckets) or for six years
Tug at an Oar i'th' Gallies: will ye walk Sir,
For we presume you cannot pay the penalty.
_Rut._ Row in the Gallies, after all this mischief?
_2 Offi._ May be you were drunk, they'l keep you sober there.
_Rut._ Tug at an Oar? you are not arrant rascals,
To catch me in a pit-fall, and betray me?
_Sul._ A lusty minded man.
_Ja._ A wondrous able.
_Sul._ Pray Gentlemen, allow me but that liberty
To speak a few words with your prisoner,
And I shall thank you.
_1 Offi._ Take your pleasure Lady.
_Sul._ What would you give that woman should redeem ye,
Redeem ye from this slavery?
_Rut._ Besides my service
I would give her my whole self, I would be her vassal.
_Sul._ She has reason to expect as much, considering
The great sum she pays for't, yet take comfort,
What ye shall do to merit this, is easie,
And I will be the woman shall befriend ye,
'Tis but to entertain some handsome Ladies,
And young fair Gentlewomen: you guess the way:
But giving of your mind--
_Rut._ I am excellent at it:
You cannot pick out such another living.
I understand ye: is't not thus?
_Sul._ Ye have it.
_Rut._ Bring me a hundred of 'em: I'le dispatch 'em.
I will be none but yours: should another offer
Another way to redeem me, I should scorn it.
What women you shall please: I am monstrous lusty:
Not to be taken down: would you have Children?
I'le get you those as fast, and thick as flie-blows.
_Sul._ I admire him: wonder at him!
_Rut._ Hark ye Lady,
You may require sometimes--
_Sul._ I by my faith.
_Rut._ And you shall have it by my faith, and handsomly:
This old Cat will suck shrewdly: you have no Daughters?
I flye at all: now am I in my Kingdom.
Tug at an Oar? no, tug in a Feather-bed,
With good warm Caudles; hang your bread and water,
I'le make you young again, believe that Lady.
I will so frubbish you.
_Sul._ Come, follow Officers,
This Gentleman is free: I'le pay the Duckets.
_Rut._ And when you catch me in your City-powdring-tub
Again, boil me with Cabbidge.
_1 Offi._ You are both warn'd and arm'd Sir. [_Exeunt._
_Scena Quarta._
_Enter_ Leopold, Hippolyta, Zenocia.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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