_Manager._--Quite unnecessary, sir. I don't think what you could do would suit our audience. _Queershanks._--Do you mean to say, sir, I should do you no good? Look at this muscle, sir. Would not muscle like that make a tremendous hit? (_Striking him._) _Manager._--Sir, I'm quite satisfied. _Queershanks._--Satisfied, sir! so you ought to be: I've got the nose of Mars, sir. _Manager._--My dear sir, what is it to the public if you've got Mars' nose and Pa's chin. _Queershanks._--I mean the classical Mars,--not my mother, you silly fellow. Then I've got the eye of a Cyclop, and the whiskers of Virginius. As yours is to be a classical theatre, will you give me a trial? _Manager._--What can you do? _Queershanks._--I'm very good in the ancient statues, only I've made them modern to suit the time. You know the "_African alarmed by thunder_?" _Manager._--Yes: a fine subject. _Queershanks._--I've modernised it into the "_Black footman frightened by an omnibus_:" this is it. (_Music; he does it._) _Manager._--Very good! What else have you? Can you give me "_Ajax defying the lightning_?" _Queershanks._--I have modernised it into the "_Little boy defying the beadle_." (_Music; he does it._) _Manager._--Capital! Have you any more? _Queershanks._--One more. You've seen the "_Dying Gladiator_?" I think my "_Prize-fighter unable to come up to time_" beats it all to nothing. (_Music; he does it._) _Queershanks._--That's something like sculpture, isn't it? _Manager._--Yes; but it won't do in my theatre. _Queershanks._--Won't do, sir! what do you mean? _Manager._--Why, I think the audience I wish to attract will like something better than dumb show. Good morning! _Queershanks._--I'm gone, sir; but remember you've lost me. I tell you, sir, that my statues would have made your season; but I leave you, sir, with contempt (_striking an attitude_). Do you know that, sir? It's the celebrated statue of Napoleon turning with contempt from the shores of Elba, which, as you know, he left because he wanted more _elbow_ room. (_Exit Queershanks with an attitude._) _Manager._--Well; each person that applies for an engagement seems to think he is the man to make my fortune for me, and gets quite angry that I won't let him have an opportunity of doing so; but I begin to see I must think for myself. (_Enter Servant._) _Servant._--A lady and two children wish to see you, sir. _Manager._--Show them in. (_Exit Servant._) Some new candidates, I suppose: here they come. Ladies! they are the first that have done me the honour to apply to me. (_Enter Mrs. Fiddler, Miss F. and Master F._) _Manager._--Your pleasure, madam? _Mrs. F._--My name is Fiddler, sir; did you ever hear of me? I've got a friend, a supernumerary at Astley's who has great influence in the theatrical world; he promised to speak to you; has he done so? _Manager._--Really, madam, I do not remember to have had an interview with any such person.