When invited to dinner, I'd much rather starve, Than attempt for some hungry half-dozen to carve; And folks do exist, who, when dishes are nice, Won't scruple to send their plates up to you twice: All vainly for sauces on me do they call,-- I'm a gentleman quite, and of no use at all! If ask'd for some verses an album to fill, I don't plead want of time, but admit want of skill; There's nothing ungentlemanlike in a dunce, So I state the plain fact, and save trouble at once; For, rather than write, I'd mend shoes in a stall,-- I'm a gentleman quite, and of no use at all! When doom'd to the Opera with ladies to go, I'm not quite so green as to play the old beau; The fiddlers and dancers are paid to amuse, And, to stand on their level, is what I don't choose. When over, for footman or coach I don't bawl,-- I'm a gentleman quite, and of no use at all! Of my club in Pall Mall I was very soon cured, They wanted to make me a sort of a steward; Those persons must surely have owed me a grudge, To wish me to work as an amateur drudge. A suggestion so horrible made my flesh crawl; I'm a gentleman quite, and of no use at all! I've an uncle, or nephew, or kin of some kind, Who, to sit in St. Stephen's, once felt much inclin'd; To his vulgar committee he added my name; When my poor valet read it, he redden'd with shame. With no mob from the hustings will I ever brawl,-- I'm a gentleman quite, and of no use at all! But Death's the great leveller: every one knows Gentility's essence is graceful repose, And the grave yields repose that must charm e'en a Turk; No labour or toil there, the worm does the work. When shrouded, and coffin'd, and under a pall, Man's a gentleman quite, he's of no use at all! May, 1837. J.S. THE FOSTER-CHILD. "Ten years to-day! Mercy on us, time does fly indeed! it seems but yesterday. And here she sat, her beautiful fair face all reddened by the heat, as in her childish romps she puffed with might and main the fire in this very grate. Dear heart, how sweet a child it was surely! Well, David, say what folks will, I'm convinced there was a fate about it."