Amy knew how long and hard she had thought of Cope, and she asked for
some evidence that he had been thinking long and hard of her. She
desired a "response." But, in fact, he had been thinking of her only
when he must. He thought of her whenever he saw himself caught in that
flapping sail, and he thought of her whenever he recalled that she had
taken it on herself to select his songs. But he did not want her to
make out-and-out demands on his time and attention. Still less did he
want her to talk about "happiness." This had come to be her favorite
topic, and she discoursed on it profusely: he was almost ungracious
enough to say that she did so glibly. "Happiness"--that conventional
bliss toward which she was turning her mind as they strolled together
on these late November afternoons--was for him a long way ahead. How
furnish a house, how clothe and feed a wife?--at least until his thesis
should be written and a place, with a real salary, found in the
academic world. How, even, buy an engagement ring--that costly
superfluity? How even contrive to pay for all the small gifts and
attentions which an engagement involved? Yet why ask himself such
questions? For he was conscious of a fundamental repugnance to any such
scheme of life and was acutely aware that--for awhile, at least, and
perhaps for always--he wanted to live in quite a different mode.
Amy's confident assumptions began to fill the house, to alter its
atmosphere. Medora Phillips, who had begun by raising her eyebrows in
light criticism, now lowered them in frowning protest. She had found
Cope "charming"; but this charm of his was to add to the attractiveness
of her house and to give her a high degree of personal gratification.
It was not to be frittered away; still less was it to be absorbed
elsewhere. Hortense, who had been secretly at work on a portrait-sketch
of Cope in oil, and rather despising herself for it, now began to make
another bold picture in her own mind. She saw herself handing out the
sketch to Cope in person, with an air of high bravado; she might say,
if bad came to worse, that she had found some professional interest in
his color or in his "planes." On one occasion Medora hardily
requisitioned Cope for an evening at the theatre, in the city; miles in
and miles back she had him in her car all to herself; and if Amy, next
day, appeared to feel that wealth and organization had taken an unfair
advantage of simple, honest love, Medora herself was troubled by no
stirrings of conscience.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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