there had always been, he thought, an unconscious power of selection at
work; so that uncongenial ideas, unresponsive thoughts, had merely
danced off the surface without affecting any lodgment. He had gained
in taste and discrimination, but he could not trace any impulse from
literature which had set him exploring a totally unfamiliar region.
Sometimes he had resolutely submitted his mind to the leadership of a
new author; but he had always known in his heart that the pilgrimage
would be in vain. He felt that he would have gained if he had known
this more decisively, and if he had spent his energies more faithfully
in pursuing what was essentially congenial to him.
There were certain authors, certain poets who, he had instinctively
felt from the outset, viewed life, nature, and art from the same
standpoint as himself. His mistake had been in not defining that
standpoint more clearly, but in wandering vaguely about, seeking for a
guide, for way-posts, for beaten tracks. What he ought to have done
was to have fixed his eyes upon the goal, and fared directly thither.
But this misdirected attempt, over which he wasted some precious
months, to enlarge the horizon of his mind, had one valuable effect.
It revealed to him at last what the object of his search was. He
became aware that he was vowed to the pursuit of beauty, of a definite
and almost lyrical kind. He saw that his mind was not made to take in,
with a broad and vigorous sweep, the movement of human endeavour; he
saw that he had no conception of wide social or political forces, of
the development of communities, of philosophical ideals. These were
great and high things, and his studies gave him an increased sense of
their greatness and significance. But Hugh saw that he could neither
be a historian nor a philosopher, but that his work must be of an
individualistic type. He saw that the side of the world which appealed
to himself was the subtle and mysterious essence of beauty--the beauty
of nature, of art, of music, of comradeship, of relations with other
souls. The generalisations of science had often a great poetical
suggestiveness; but he had no vestige of the scientific temper which is
content to deduce principles from patient and laborious investigation.
He saw that his own concern must be with the emotions and the hearts of
his fellows, rather than with their minds; that if he possessed any
qualities at all, they were of a poetical kind. The mystery of the
world was profound and dark, though Hugh could see that science was
patiently evolving some order out of the chaos. But the knowledge of
the intricate scheme was but a far-off vision, an august hope; and
meanwhile men had to meet life as they could, to evolve enough
hopefulness, enough inspiration from their complicated conditions to
enable them to live a full and vigorous life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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