Hugh did not find his official life depressing, but very much the
reverse. He enjoyed dealing with affairs and with men. He used
sometimes to wonder, half regretfully, half comfortably, at the fading
of his old dreams, in which so much that was beautiful was mingled with
so much that was uneasy. He began indeed to be somewhat impatient of
sentiment and emotion, and to think with a sort of compassion of those
who allowed themselves to be ruled by such motives. He did not exactly
adopt a conventional standard, but he found it easier to live on a
conventional plane, until he even began to be viewed by some of his old
friends as a man who had adopted a conventional view. Hugh indeed
found, in his official life, that the majority of those among whom his
lot was cast, did seem whole-heartedly content to live in a
conventional world and to enjoy conventional successes. Such men, and
they were numerous, never seemed disposed to probe beneath the surface
of things, unless they were confronted by adverse circumstances,
bereavements, or indifferent health; and, under these conditions, their
one aim seemed to be to escape as soon as possible from the region of
discomfort: they viewed reflection as a sort of symptom of failing
vitality. And so Hugh drifted to a certain extent into feeling that
self-questioning and abstract thought were a species of intellectual
ill-health. One arrived at no solution, any more than one did in the
case of a toothache; the one thing to do was to get rid of the
unsatisfactory conditions as swiftly as possible.
During this period of his life Hugh made many acquaintances, but no
great friends. In fact the idea of close and intimate relationship
with others fell more and more into the background; he became
interested rather in the superficial and spectatorial aspect of things
and persons. He began to see how differences of character and
temperament played into each other, and formed a resultant which merged
itself in the slow current of affairs. But he seemed to himself to be
acquiring and sorting tangible experiences, and to have little
speculative interest at all; he neither craved to make or to receive
confidences. The hours not occupied by business were given to social
life and to reading; and he was, or fancied himself to be, perfectly
contented.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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