BETSY BAKER! OR, TOO ATTENTIVE BY HALF. A FARCE. IN ONE ACT. BY JOHN MADDISON MORTON, _Member of the Dramatic Authors’ Society,_ AUTHOR OF _Box and Cox, Two Bonnycastles, Who stole the Pocket Book, The Midnight Watch, Poor Pillicoddy, Going to the Derby, Old Honesty, Grimshaw, Done on both Sides, Young England, The King and I, My Wife’s Second Floor, The Double-Bedded Room, Wedding Breakfast, Milliners’ Holiday, The Irish Tiger, Who’s the Composer, Who do they take me for, The Attic Story, Brother Ben, Who’s my Husband, Thumping Legacy, &c., &c._ THOMAS HAILES LACY, WELLINGTON STREET, STRAND, LONDON. First performed at the Royal Princess’s Theatre, On Wednesday, November 13th, 1850. Characters. MR. MARMADUKE MOUSER ... Mr. KEELEY. MR. CRUMMY ... Mr. J. VINING. MRS. MOUSER ... Miss MURRAY. BETSY BAKER (_a Laundress_) ... Mrs. KEELEY. Costumes. MOUSER--Shawl pattern dressing gown, light brown vest, and fashionable dark grey check trousers. _Second Dress_--Exchanges gown for dark blue coat. CRUMMY--Fashionable black Oxonian coat, light drab vest, and light grey trousers. MRS. MOUSER--White muslin dress with amber satin ribbons over an amber satin dress, fashionable lace cap, &c.--_Second Dress_--Light blue silk mantilla over the above, white silk drawn bonnet. BETSY BAKER--Pink print dress with very short sleeves, laundress’s blue check apron, neat laced boots. Time in Representation--45 minutes. BETSY BAKER! SCENE.--_A handsomely furnished Apartment. Doors in flat, R. and L. C. Another door, L. 2 E. Piano-forte, table, chairs, &c._ _MRS. MOUSER seated at table, working. MOUSER, in a dressing gown, seated at piano-forte, R._ MOUS. (_accompanying himself, and singing_) “On the margin of fair Zurich’s waters, Ya--oo--oo!” That isn’t quite the thing. (_repeating_) Ya--oo--oo! That’s more like it! MRS. M. (_throws down her work_) This is really intolerable! I wish you wouldn’t attempt to sing that song, Mr. Mouser. You’ll never accomplish it. MOUS. I _will_ accomplish it, Mrs. Mouser. Indeed, I may say, I _have_ accomplished it--all, except the “Ya--oo--oo,” and I’m not going to be beat by a “Ya--oo--oo,” I can tell you. No, Mrs. Mouser, I’ll accomplish that “Ya--oo--oo,” if I die for it! (_very loud, and out of tune_) “Ya--oo--oo!” No--that’s worse than ever. MRS. M. It’s quite clear that you are determined to annoy me. (_pouting_) MOUS. (_comes down quickly; very tenderly_) Annoy you? _You_, my Anastasia? _You?_ Pooh! MRS. M. I’ve told you a hundred times, Marmaduke, that you haven’t a single note in your voice. MOUS. Then the more creditable in your Marmaduke to try and get a few. (_in a solemn tone_) Anastasia, we live in a wonderful age. Every thing we see above us, below us, and all round about us, proclaims the triumph of mind over matter. MRS. M. (_yawns slightly_) Well, I don’t deny it, do I?