Betsy Baker! or, Too Attentive by Half; A Farce, in One Act — John Shaqi
Betsy Baker! or, Too Attentive by Half; A Farce, in One ActMorton, John Maddison
General
Betsy Baker! or, Too Attentive by Half; A Farce, in One Act
Morton, John Maddison
English drama (Comedy); Farces; Women -- Drama
CRUM. (_aside to him_) Of course! You’ve done the mischief, and
you must repair it. (_to BETSY_) Good bye, my good girl.
BET. (_with pretended alarm_) You’re not a-going, sir?
MOUS. Poor soul! She hopes he’s not a-going. (_aside_)
CRUM. (_aside to BETSY_) Capitally. Capitally acted, so far.
Only carry it on a little longer, and the shop is yours. (_aside
to MOUSER_) Did you ever see such a pair of eyes? (_aside, as he
goes out, towards L. D. F._) I’ll not lose sight of them.
_Exit L. D. F._
(_MOUSER and BETSY stand at opposite sides of the Stage. Their
eyes meet once or twice--she dropping them with emotion, and he
drawing himself up and trying to appear indifferent. CRUMMY
crosses unseen into Office, R._)
BET. Poor man! He’ll never begin, so I suppose I must. (_aloud_)
Sir!
MOUS. (_aside_) Mouser, be firm. No damned nonsense! Do your
duty, Mouser, and that duty commands you instantly to plunge a dagger
into the heart that adores you. Well, Miss Baker? (_with great
indifference--his back towards her_)
BET. Those as likes me calls me Betsy. (_in a plaintive tone_)
Call me Betsy, sir!
MOUS. No, Betsy--I shall not call you Betsy--I never do call people by
their Christian names, Betsy--never, Betsy! Never, Betsy!
BET. No more do I--unless they’re very--_very_ pretty ones indeed,
such as John, and Timothy, and Marma_dook_. (_in a tender tone,
and approaching him_)
MOUS. (_aside_) Mouser, be firm. (_turning to BETSY, and seeing her
close to him, begins whistling again. BETSY retires a step or two, and
approaches him again_) So, you think Marma_dook_ a pretty name, eh?
BETSY. Yes, sir. I could go on making rhymes to it all day long, as I
stand at the washing-tub: just like the man in the play.
There’s not a name in any book,
As can compare with Marma_dook_,
No breeze as e’er the treeses shook,
Sounds half as sweet as Marma_dook._
MOUS. (_aside_) It was wrong in me to stop. I feel, it was
highly wrong in me to stop. (_aloud_) But remember, you are going
to marry a Joseph.
BET. (_with sudden violence, and close to MOUSER_) Never!
MOUS. (_jumping away_) Don’t. But why not?
BET. I _don’t_ want to marry--I never _will_ marry--I’ll live
and die a Baker. (_with great energy_)
MOUS. But your reason--your motive--for dying a Baker?
BET. (_with a pathetic look at MOUSER_) Can _you_ ask? _You! You?_ Oh,
’tis too much! Oh! Oh! Oh! (_aside_) I wonder how I’m doing it.
(_hiding her face in her hands and sobbing_)
MOUS. Hush! (_tenderly_) Don’t cry--don’t make such a row, Miss
Baker.
BET. Call me Betsy!
MOUS. Very well, Betsy. (_aside_) I’ve been _too_ firm, Mouser, you’ve
been by many degrees too firm. (_aloud, and taking BETSY’S hand_) Now,
don’t cry, there’s a dear. (_aside_) I called her a dear!
_Here CRUMMY looks in from Office, and observes._
There--there--and, now laugh--laugh directly, you little rogue.
(_aside_) I called her a little rogue. (_chucks BETSY under the
chin_)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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