He started awake in broad daylight. An orderly was at the door with his
breakfast tray. He could not eat, of course. After the orderly left, he
hastily changed to a new hospital uniform and washed himself. He redid
his makeup with a trembling hand, straightened the bedclothes and then
he sat on the edge of the cot.
No one came for him.
The young medicop who had given him the injection that caught him in
shift finally entered, and was standing near him before Bill was aware
of his presence.
"Good morning, Mr. Walden. How are you feeling?"
Bill's wildly oscillating tensions froze at the point where he could
only move helplessly with events and suffer a constant, unchangeable
longing.
It was as if in a dream that they moved in silence together down the
long corridors of the hospital and took the elevator to an upper floor.
The medicop opened the door to a room and let Bill enter. Bill heard
the door close behind him.
Clara did not turn from where she stood looking out the window. Bill
did not care that the walls of the chill little room were almost
certainly recording every sight and sound. All his hunger was focused
on the back of the girl at the window. The room seemed to ring with his
racing blood. But he was slowly aware that something was wrong, and
when at last he called her name, his voice broke.
Still without turning, she said in a strained monotone, "I want you to
understand that I have consented to this meeting only because Major
Grey has assured me it is necessary."
It was a long time before he could speak. "Clara, I need you."
She spun on him. "Have you no shame? You are married to my
hyperalter--don't you understand that?" Her face was suddenly wet with
tears and the intensity of her shame flamed at him from her cheeks.
"How can Conrad ever forgive me for being with his hyperalter and
talking about him? Oh, how can I have been so _mad_?"
"They have done something to you," he said, shaking with tension.
Her chin raised at this. She was defiant, he saw, though not toward
himself--he no longer existed for her--but toward that part of herself
which once had needed him and now no longer existed. "They have cured
me," she declared. "They have cured me of everything but my shame, and
they will help me get rid of that as soon as you leave this room."
Bill stared at her before leaving. Out in the corridor, the young
medicop did not look him in the face. They went back to Bill's room and
the officer left without a word. Bill lay down on his cot.
Presently Major Grey entered the room. He came over to the cot. "I'm
sorry it had to be this way, Bill."
Bill's words came tonelessly from his dry throat. "Was it necessary to
be cruel?"
"It was necessary to test the result of her psycho-surgery. Also, it
will help her over her shame. She might otherwise have retained a seed
of fear that she still loved you."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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