"MYSELF!" It means when you are through That you don't want your daddy to Unseat you, as he used to do. Time was, and not so long ago, When you were carried to and fro And waited on, but now? No! No! You'd rather fall and break your head, Or fill your lap with cream and bread Than be helped up or down, or fed. Well, kid, I hope you'll stay that way And that there'll never come a day When you're without the strength to say, "MYSELF!" [Illustration] [Illustration] THE ETERNAL GREETING What is the welcoming word I hear When I reach home at the close of day? "Glad you are with us, daddy, dear?" Something I'd like to hear you say? No, it is this, invariably: "Daddy, what have you got for me?" "Deep affection," I might reply; What would it profit if I did? I might answer: "The price to buy Clothes and edibles for you, kid." You would repeat, insistently: "Daddy, what have you got for me?" Isn't my Self enough for you? Doesn't my Presence satisfy? No, that spelling would never do; You want Presents, a new supply, When you inquire so eagerly: "Daddy, what have you got for me?" 'Twould be much nicer and cheaper, son, If I were welcome without a toy, But as I'm not, I must purchase one And take my reward from your look of joy When you open the bundle and cry: "O, see! See what daddy has got for me!" [Illustration] [Illustration] GUESS AGAIN "I guess I'll help you, daddy." And daddy can't say "No;" For if he did, 'twould wound you, kid, And cause the tears to flow. "I guess I'll help you, daddy." And daddy says: "All right," And tries to do, ignoring you, Whatever work's in sight. But what's the use of trying? As well be reconciled To quit and play the game that may Be pleasing to you, child. To quit and play, or roughhouse, Or read, as you elect; For I'm afraid the guess you made Was wholly incorrect. [Illustration] [Illustration] NEARLY A SINECURE "I'm going to the office." So says my youngster, and Gets on the train to take him there (The train's the sofa or a chair, Whichever's near at hand.) "Now I am to the office. I'm working now," says he, And just continues standing there On that same lounge or that same chair, As idle as can be. Perhaps four seconds after He first got on his train, I see him getting off once more. He steps or falls onto the floor And says, "I'm home again." I don't know what they pay him, Nor where the office is. The nature of the boy's posish I've never learned--but how I wish I had that job of his! [Illustration] [Illustration] THE HECKUSES