Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary GemsNye, Bill
General
Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Gems
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
|I herewith acknowledge the receipt of two bags of cane-seed from the
Agricultural Department.
Mr. Le Duc is always thinking of me and evidently knew that I was
yearning for some cane-seed. It will grow luxuriantly here on the spinal
column of the American continent where winter lingers in the lap of
spring till after the Fourth of July.
William says that this breed of sugar-cane "originated in Minnesota, and
is claimed to have been the result of accidental hybridization."
I shall not allow anything of this kind myself if I can by the most
tireless watchfulness avoid it. Accidental hybridization is what is
demoralizing the sugar-cane of the whole country.
I shall plant this seed in drills two feet apart, mulching with rich
top-dressing of retired gum boots and dead cats. I will then wait till
the plant has germinated and appears above the surface, when I shall
remove the boots and dead cats and rub the plants with a Turkish towel
to promote a healthy circulation.
Then next fall while others who have sneered at me and called me a
horny-handed buckwheater from the rural districts, are running up heavy
bills for groceries, I will go out into my molasses orchard and pick
a milk pan full of granulated sugar from my trees, or shell out
enough maple sugar for breakfast at a slight cost and with the blessed
consciousness that I did it all myself.
William is going to send me some more seeds that he thinks will do well
in this tropical climate. If he could send me something that would
be more hardy, like the early Swedish lemon-squeezer, or the mammoth
custard-pie plant, or the Northern Spy cucumber tree, my reports to the
department would be more cheerful than they are, but where plants have
to wear their heavy California underclothes all through August they get
discouraged and prefer to bloom in the sweet fields of Eden.
Last year I tried the hot-bed process, but it was not a signal success.
This summer I shall use the hot-bed as an ice cream freezer. It wanted
to act in that capacity last summer, but I had a freezer that did very
well, so I foolishly used the hot-bed to assist the plants, although I
know of several days in midsummer when my cabbage-plants had to get out
of that hot-bed and run up and down the garden walk to keep their feet
from freezing.
THE GENTLE YOUTH FROM LEADVILLE.
|In addition to the other attractions about the depot, the old museum
of curiosities from the Rocky Mountains has been re-opened. I like to
go down and listen to the remarks of the overland passenger relative to
these articles. There are two stuffed coyotes chained to the door, one
on each side, and it amuses me to see a solicitous parent nearly yank
his little son to pieces for going so near these ferocious animals. The
coyotes look very life-like, and show their teeth a good deal, but it
breaks a man all up when he finds that their digestive apparatus has
been replaced with sawdust and plaster of Paris.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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