Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary GemsNye, Bill
General
Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Gems
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
With all due respect to the worthy descendants of the Pilgrim Fathers,
and not wishing to cast a slur upon the ability or the integrity of the
dwellers along the rock-bound coast of New England, I will say in the
mildest manner possible that these men are no more fit to manage hostile
Indians than Perdition is naturally fitted for a powder house.
A man may successfully cope with the wild and fierce codfish in his
native jungle, or beard the salt water clam in his den, and still
signally fail as an Indian agent. The codfish is not treacherous. He
may be bold, blood-thirsty and terrible, but he will never go back on
a treaty. Who ever heard of a codfish going back on his word? Who ever
heard of a codfish leaving the Reservation and spreading desolation over
the land? No one. The expression on the face of a codfish shows that he
is perfectly open and above board.
We might say the same of the clam. Of course if driven to the wall, as
it were, he will fight; but we have yet to find a single instance in the
annals of history where the clam--unless grossly insulted and openly put
upon, ever made an open outbreak.
This is why we claim that clam culture and Indian management are not
analogous. They are not simultaneous nor co-extensive. They are not
identical nor homogeneous.
I feel that in treating this subject in my candid and truthful way,
perhaps the Administration will feel hurt and grieved; but if so I can't
help it. The great reading public seems to look to me, as much as to
say: "What are your views on this great subject which is agitating the
public mind?" I can't evade it, and even if President Hayes were an own
brother, instead of being a warm, personal friend and admirer, I would
certainly speak right out as I have spoken out, and tell the whole
broad Republic of Columbia that to successfully steer a hostile tribe
of nervous, refractory and irritable Indian bummers past the rocks and
shoals of war is one thing, and to drive a salt water clam up a hickory
tree and kill him with a club, is entirely another thing.
THEY UNANIMOUSLY AROSE AND HUNG HIM.
|I was talking the other day with a Laramie City man about Leadville, he
said:
"In addition to the fact of Laramie money being now invested there, we
have sent many good citizens there to build up homes and swell the boom
of the young city. We also sent several there of whom we are not proud.
We still hold them in loving remembrance. Sometimes we go through the
motions of getting judgments against these men, and making transcripts
with big seals on them, and sending to Leadville to be placed on the
execution docket of Lake county.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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