Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary GemsNye, Bill
General
Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Gems
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
Answer--My name is Johnson, just plain Johnson. The rest has been torn
off. I am by occupation a farmer. I am a horny-handed son of toil, and
don't you forget it. I reside in Greeley, Colorado.
Question--Did you, or did you not hear of a massacre at White River
agency, during the fall, and if so, to what extent?
Objected to by defendant's counsel because it is irrelevant, immaterial,
unconstitutional, imitation, and incongruous.
Most of the forenoon was spent in arguing the point before the court,
when it was allowed to go in, whereupon the defendant's counsel asked to
have the exception noted on the court's moments.
Answer--I did not hear of the massacre, until last evening, when I
happened to pick up a copy of the Evanston _Age_ and read it. It was a
very sad affair, I should think.
Question--Were you, or were you not, present at the massacres?
Objected to by defendant's counsel on the ground that the witness is not
bound to answer a question which would criminate himself.
Objection sustained, and question withdrawn by the prosecution.
Question--Where were you on the night that this massacre is said to have
occurred?
Answer--What massacre?
Question--The one at White River?
Answer--I was attending a series of protracted meetings at Greeley, in
this State.
Question--Were Douglass, Colorow and other Ute chiefs with you at that
meeting in Greeley?
Answer--They were.
Court adjourned for dinner.
General Adams remarked to a reporter that he was getting down to
business now, and that he had no doubt that in a few months he would
convict all these Utes of falsehood in the first degree.
After dinner, court was called, with Johnson at the bat and Douglass on
deck; General Adams, short stop; Ouray, center field.
Question--You say that you were not present at the White River massacre;
were you ever engaged in any massacre?
Objected to, but objection afterward withdrawn.
Answer--No.
Question--Never?
Answer--Never.
Question--What! Never?
Answer--Well, dam seldom.
(Great applause and cries of "ugh!")
Question--Did you, or did you not, know a man named N. C. Meeker?
Answer--Yes.
Question--Go on and state if you know where you met him and at what
time.
Answer--I met him in Greeley, Colorado, two or three years ago. After
that I heard that he got an appointment as Indian Agent somewhere out
west.
Question--Did you ever hear anything of him after that?
Answer--Nothing whatever.
Question--Did the account of the White River massacre that you read in
the _Age_ mention the death of Mr. Meeker?
Answer--No. Is he dead?
General Adams--Yes, he is dead.
At that the witness gave a wild whoop of pain and anguish, fell forward
into the arms of General Adams, and is unconscious as we go to press.
We do not wish to censure General Adams. No doubt he is conducting this
investigation to the best of his ability; but he ought to break such
news as this as gently to the Indian as possible.
SOME ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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