Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary GemsNye, Bill
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Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Gems
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
|The following answers to correspondents contain a great deal of useful
information, and I publish them in order to avoid the constant annoyance
of writing the same in substance to so many inquiring friends.
"Sweet Sixteen" writes from "Hold-up Hollow."
I am betrothed to a noble youth from Rice Lake, Minnesota, but he seems
too have soured on his betroth.
"At first he seemed to love me according to Gunter, but he has grown
cold. About the first of the round-up he went away, and I soon afterward
heard that he was affianced to another.
"I understand that he says I am not of noble lineage enough for him. It
is true. I may not be a thorough-bred, but I have a pure, loving nature,
which is now running to waste. The name of my beloved is De Courtney Van
D'Edbeete. He comes from the first families, and O, I love him so!
"Can you tell me what to do?
"Sweet Sixteen."
Answer.--Yes, I can tell you what to do. I have been there some, too. If
you will only do as I tell you, you are safe.
You must win him back. I think you can easily do so.
Select a base-ball club of about the weight you can handle easily, and
then go to him and win him back.
You are too prone to give up easily. Do not be discouraged.
All will yet be well.
He may think now that you are not of noble blood but you can make him
change his mind. Go to him with the love light in your eye and put a
triangular head on him with your base-ball club, and tell him that he
does not understand the cravings of your nature. Drive him into the
ground and sit down on him, and then tell him that you are nothing but a
poor, friendless girl, and need some one to cling to. Then you can cling
to him. All depends upon how successful you are as a clinger.
I see at a glance that De Courtney needs to be flattened out a few
times. Do not kill him, but bring him so near to the New Jerusalem that
he can see the dome of the court house, and he will gradually come back
to you and love you, and your life will be one long golden dream of
never-fading joy, and De Courtney will wring out the colored clothes for
you and help you do the washing, and he will stay at home evenings and
take care of the children while you go to prayer meeting, and he will
not murmur when you work off an inexpensive meal of cold rice and
fricasseed codfish on him.
If he gets to feeling independent, and puts on the old air of defiance,
you can diet him on cold mush and mackerel till he will not feel
so robust, and then you can reason with him again, and while he
is recovering you can take your baseball club and your noble
self-sacrificing love, and win him back some more.
"Lalla Rookh" writes from Waukegan, Illinois, as follows to wit:
"My classmates and I have had quite a serious discussion recently, on
several questions of table etiquette, and we have finally agreed to
leave the matter with you.
"First--If one is asked to say grace at the table, and does not wish to
do so, or is not familiar with the forms, what should he do?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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