Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary GemsNye, Bill
General
Bill Nye and Boomerang: Or, The Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Gems
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
Is it nothing forsooth for a nomadic race of buffalo slayers and maple
sugar makers and cranberry pickers to rise from the dust and learn to
love the wise institutions of a free government? To lay aside the
old hickory bow of the original red man and take up the improved
breech-loader? To take kindly to mixed drinks and Sabbath school picnics
and temperance lectures and base-ball matches? To live contentedly about
the agencies, playing poker for the whiskies during the cold and cruel
winter? Then when the glad song of the robin awakes the echoes in
spring, and the air is filled with a thousand nameless odors, among
which may be detected the balmy breath of the government sock, to
hie him away to the valleys with his fishing rod and flies (and other
curious insects), or to spend the glorious days of midsummer at the
camp-meeting or the horse-race? We can never know how his poor heart
must burn to kick off his box-toed boots and throw aside his dress coat
and suspenders, and gallop over the green hills and kick up his heels
and whoop and yell, and tear out the tongues of a few white women and be
sociable.
They are indeed the nation's wards, a little frisky and playful at
times, to be sure, but we must overlook that. There can be no reason nor
justice in forbidding these freeborn descendants of these mighty races
the inalienable right to lock up their front doors at the agency and
put the key in their pockets, and light out, if they wish to, across
the country, spreading gory desolation along their trail, eating the
farmers' hard earned store, pillaging his home, murdering his household,
burning his crops, riding their war horses over his watermelon vines,
eating his winter preserves, scalping the hired man and wearing away the
farmer's red-flannel undershirt wrong side to, and wrong side up if they
want to. And if any ignorant upstart of the frontier, who feels a little
sore over the loss of his family, undertakes to defraud these wild, free
sons of the forest of any or all of their rights, let the lop-eared,
slab-sided, knock-kneed, crosseyed, spavined, lantern-jawed,
sway-backed, mangy, flannelmouthed poet of the educated and refined East
write poetry about him till he is glad to apologize.
ORIGIN OF BEAUTIFUL SNOW,
|The following letter is from Captain Jack relative to the expedition
under his charge, sent out for the purpose of bringing in the murdering
group of Utes, against whom the government seems to maintain a feeling,
it not of enmity, at least of coolness, and perhaps unfriendliness.
The Indian is not generally supposed to be a humorist, or inclined to be
facetious; but the letter below would seem to indicate that there is, at
the least, a kind of grim, rough, uncouth attempt on his part to make a
paragrapher of himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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