Naturally, as he sat there by my side, holding on tightly to his ticket
and evidently afraid the conductor would forget to come and get it,
I began to figure out in my mind what might be his business. He had
pounded one thumb so that the nail was black where the blood had settled
under it. This might happen to a shoemaker, a carpenter, a blacksmith,
or almost any one else. So it didn't help me out much, though it looked
to me as though it might have been done by trying to drive a fence-nail
through a leather hinge with the back of an ax, and nobody but a farmer
would try to do that. Following up the clew, I discovered that he had
milk on his boots, and then I knew I was right. The man who milks before
daylight in a dark barn when the thermometer is 28° below zero, and who
hits his boots by reason of the uncertain light and prudishness of the
cow, is a marked man. He cannot conceal the fact that he is a farmer
unless he removes that badge. So I started out on that theory, and
remarked that this would pass for a pretty hard winter on stock. The
thought was not original with me, for I have heard it expressed by
others either in this country or Europe. He said it would.
"My cattle has gone through a mowful o' hay sence October and eleven
ton o' brand. Hay don't seem to have the goodness to it thet it hed last
year, and with their new process griss mills they jerk all the juice out
o' brand, so's you might as well feed cows with excelsior and upholster
your horses with hemlock bark as to buy brand."
"Well, why do you run so much to stock? Why don't you try diversified
farming and rotation of crops?"
"Well, prob'ly you got that idee in the papers. A man that earns big
wages writing 'Farm Hints' for agricultural papers can make more money
with a soft lead-pencil and two or three season-cracked idees like that
'n I can carrying of 'em out on the farm. We used to have a feller in
the drug-store in our town that wrote such good pieces for the _Rural
Vermonter_, and made up such a good condition powder out of his own head
that two years ago we asked him to write a nessay for the annual meeting
of the Buckwheat Trust, and to use his own judgment about choice of
subject. And what do you s'pose he had selected for a nessey that took
the whole forenoon to read?"
"What subject, you mean?"
"Yes."
"Give it up!"
"Well, he'd wrote out that whole blamed intellectual wad on the subject
of 'The Inhumanity of Dehorning Hydraulic Rams.' How's that?"
"That's pretty fair."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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