That names but seldom meet with Love, And Love wants courage without a name! The second commenced on the night of my arrival (from Grasmere) in town with Mr. and Mrs. Montagu, when all the superstructure raised by my idolatrous Fancy during an enthusiastic and self-sacrificing Friendship of fifteen years--the fifteen bright and ripe years, the strong summer of my Life--burst like a Bubble! But the Grief did not vanish with it, nor the love which was the stuff and vitality of the grief, though they pined away up to the moment of ...'s last total Transfiguration into Baseness; when, with £1,200 a year, and just at the moment that the _extraordinary_ Bankruptcy of Fenner and Curtis had robbed me of every penny I had been so many years working for, every penny I possessed in the world, and involved me in a debt of £150 to boot, he _first_ regretted that he was not able to pay a certain bill of mine to his ...'s wife's brother, himself, "never wanted money so much in his life," etc. etc.; and an hour after attempted to extort from me a transfer to himself of all that I could call my own in the world--my books--as the condition of his paying a debt which in _equity_ was as much, but in honour and gratitude was far more, _his_ debt than mine! My third sorrow was in some sort included in the second; what the former was to friendship, the latter was to a yet more inward bond. The former spread a wider gloom over the world around me, the latter left a darkness deeper within myself; the former is more akin to indignation, and moody scorn at my own folly in my weaker moments, and to contemplative melancholy and alienation from the Past in my ordinary state; the latter had more of self in its character, but of a Self, emptied--a gourd of Jonas: and is _this_ it under which I hoped to have prophesied? My fourth commenced with the tidings of the charge against J...--remitted with the belief and confidence of the Falsehood of the charge--relapsed again--and again--and again--blended with the sad convictions, that neither E. nor I. thought of or felt towards me as they ought, or attributed any thing done for them to me; and lastly, reached its height on the nineteenth day of E.'s fever by J.'s desertion of him, when it trembled in the scales whether he should live or die, and the cause of this desertion first awakening the suspicion that I had been deliberately deceived and made an accomplice in deceiving others.[129]