And yet, in all these four griefs, my recollection, as often as they were recalled to my mind, turned not to _what_ I suffered, but on what _account_--at worst, I never thought of the sufferings apart from the causes and occasions of them; but the latter were ever uppermost. It was reserved for the interval between six o'clock and twelve on _that Saturday_ evening to bring a suffering which, do what I will, I cannot help thinking of and being _affrighted_ by, as a terror of itself--a self-subsisting, separate something, detached from the cause. I cannot help hearing the sound of my voice at the moment when I... took me by surprise, and asked me for the money to pay a debt to, and take leave of, Mr. Williams, promising to overtake me if possible before I had reached his aunt Martha's, but at latest before five. "Nay, say _six_. Be, if you can, by five, but _say_ six." Then, when he had passed a few steps--"J... six; O my God! think of the _agony_, the _sore agony_, of every moment after six!" And though he was not three yards from me, I only saw the colour of his Face through my Tears!--No more of this! I will finish this scrawl after my return from the Beach. When I had left behind me what I had no power to make better or worse, and arrived at the sea side, I had soon reason to remember that I was not at _home_, or at Muddiford, _or_ at Little Hampton, or at Ramsgate, but under the conjunct signs of Virgo and the Crab; the one in the wane, the other in advance, yet in excellent agreement with the former, by virtue of its rare privilege of advancing backward. In sober prose, I verily believe we should have found as genial a birth in a nest hillock of Termites or Bugaboos as with this single Ant-consanguineous. As soon therefore as dear Mr. Gillman returned to us, you will not hold it either strange or unwise that, in agreeing to accompany him to Dover, the kingdom of France west of Paris, Ramsgate, Sandwich, and foreign parts in general, I determined to give myself up to each moment as it came, with no anticipations and with no recollections, save as far as is involved in the wish every now and then, that you had been with me; and in this resolve it was that I destroyed the kit-cat or bust at least of the letter I had meant to have sent you. But oh! how often have I wished, and do I wish, that you and Mrs. Allsop could form a household in common at Ramsgate with us next year.