He might as well itemize the questions he had to face and examine them
one by one, and dispassionately. He would never feel more emotionless
than now; and that mental state was very rare that enabled a man to
think clearly and see further than a yard ahead of him.
Her real age? Could he ever forget it? Should he not always see the
old face under the new mask, as the X-Rays revealed man's hideous
interior under its merciful covering of flesh? But he knew that one of
the most beneficent gifts bestowed upon mankind is the talent for
forgetting. Particularly when one object has been displaced by
another. Reiteration dulls the memory. He might say to himself every
hour in the day that she was sixty not thirty and the phrase would soon
become as meaningless as absent-minded replies to remarks about the
weather.
And he doubted if any man could look at Mary Zattiany for three
consecutive minutes and recall that she had ever been old, or imagine
that she ever could be old again. However prone man may be to dream,
he is, unless one of the visionaries, dominated by the present. What
he wants he wants now and he wants what he sees, not what may be
lurking in the future. That is the secret of the early and often
imprudent marriage--the urge of the race. And if a man is not deterred
by mere financial considerations, still less is he troubled by visions
of what his inamorata will look like thirty years hence or what she
might have looked like had disease prematurely withered her. He sees
what he sees and if he is satisfied at all he is as completely
satisfied as a man may be.
He made no doubt that Mary Zattiany would have, if she chose, as many
suitors among men of his own age as among her former contemporaries.
They would discuss the phenomenon furiously, joke about it, try to
imagine her as she had been, back water, return out of curiosity,
hesitate, speculate--and then forget it.
No one would forget it sooner than himself. He had no doubt whatever
that when he went to her house tomorrow afternoon he would remember as
long as she kept him waiting and no longer. So that was that.
Did he want children? They charmed him--sometimes--but he had never
been conscious of any desire for a brood of his own. He knew that many
men felt an even profounder need of offspring than women. Man's ego is
more strident, the desire to perpetuate itself more insistent, his
foresight is more extended. Moreover, however subconsciously, his
sense of duty to the race is stronger. . . . But he doubted if any man
would weigh the repetition of his ego against his ego's demand to mate
with a woman like Mary Zattiany. He certainly would not. That was
final.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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