wear her down, and a spell be set upon her lips, under which they
strove vainly to curve with their old smile, and to utter their old
words of endearment and protestation; for she scorned and hated
herself for such weakness, and could have torn her rebellious flesh
with rage, that sometimes it would creep and turn cold when he touched
her, or even when he only spoke. She fought this false and dastardly
weakness, as she called it, with steady bravery, and with the resolve
to conquer, which is always half a moral battle; but she did not
conquer it, she only quelled it for a little while. It returned on
occasions, and then it tortured and appalled her even more than when
the foe had been always in position.
All such conflicts of feeling had the effect of narrowing the sphere
of her life, of concentrating her whole attention on, and intensifying
her absorption in, her husband. A lassitude which her own good sense
told her was dangerous began to take possession of her. They were
better off now--she did not rightly know how, or how much, for she had
gradually lapsed from her previous customary active overseeing of
Routh's affairs, and had been content to take money as he gave it, and
expend it as he desired, skilfully and economically, but with an
entire indifference, very different from the cheerful, sunny household
thriftiness which had formerly been so marked a feature in their
Bohemian life, and had testified, perhaps more strongly than any other
of its characteristics, to the utter deadness of the woman's
conscience. His comforts were as scrupulously looked after as ever,
and far more liberally provided for; but the tasteful care for her
home, the indescribable something which had invested their life with
the charm of a refinement contrasting strangely with its real
degradation, had vanished. Harriet's manner was changed--changed to a
quietude unnatural to her, and peculiarly unpleasant to Routh, who had
had a scientific appreciation of the charm of steady, business-like,
calm judgment and decision brought to bear on business matters; but
discarded, at a moment's notice, for sparkling liveliness and a power
of enjoyment which never passed the bounds of refinement in its
demonstrativeness. "Eat, drink, and be merry" had been their rule of
life in time that seemed strangely old to them both; and if the woman
alone had sometimes remarked that the precept had a corollary, she did
not care much about it. "To-morrow ye die" was an assurance which
carried little terror to one absolutely without belief in a future
life, and who, in this, had realized her sole desire, and lived every
hour in the fulness of its realization. Stewart Routh had never had
the capacity, either of heart or of intellect, to comprehend his wife
thoroughly; but he had loved her as much as he was capable of loving
any one, in his own way, and the strength and duration of the feeling
had been much increased by their perfect comradeship. His best aid in
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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