business, his shrewd, wise counsellor in difficulty, his good comrade
in pleasure, his sole confidant--it must be remembered that there was
no craving for respect on the one side, no possibility of rendering
it, no power of missing it, on the other--and the most cherished wife
of the most respectable and worthy member of society might have
compared her position with that of Harriet with considerable
disadvantage on many points.
Things were, however, changed of late, and Harriet had begun to feel,
with something of the awfully helpless, feeble foreboding with which
the victims of conscious madness foresee the approach of the foe, that
there was some power, whose origin she did not know, whose nature she
could not discern, undermining her, and conquering her unawares. Was
it bodily illness? She had always had unbroken health, and was slow to
detect any approach of disease. She did not think it could be that,
and conscience, remorse, the presence, the truth, of the supernatural
components of human life, she disbelieved in; therefore she refused to
take the possibility of their existence and their influence into
consideration. She was no longer young, and she had suffered--yes, she
had certainly suffered a very great deal; no one could love as she
loved and not suffer, that was all. Time would do everything for her;
things were going well; all risk was at an end, with the procuring of
George's promise and the quieting of George's scruples (how feeble a
nature his was, she thought, but without the acrid scorn a similar
reflection had aroused in her husband's mind); and every week of time
gained without the revival of any inquisition, was a century of
presumptive safety. Yes, now she was very weak, and certainly not
quite well; it was all owing to her sleeplessness. How could any one
be well who did not get oblivion in the darkness? This would pass, and
time would bring rest and peace. Wholly possessed by her love for her
husband, she was not conscious of the change in her manner towards
him. She did not know that the strange repulsion she sometimes felt,
and which she told herself was merely physical nervousness, had so
told upon her, that she was absent and distant with him for the most
part, and in the occasional spasmodic bursts of love which she yielded
to showed such haunting and harrowing grief as sometimes nearly
maddened him with anger, with disgust, with _ennui_--not with
repentance, not with compassion--maddened him, not for her sake, but
for his own.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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