Amid the ruins of many a grand ambition, over the traces engraven
in the earth by many a haughty and undisciplined spirit, the thoughtful
priest wandered, meditating the highest uses of his own life. His
thoughts came to a conclusion which, to our eyes, seems the most
inconceivable and astonishing ever made by man. He decided upon becoming
a monk. Aware by many a mortifying experience that the very name of
priest was still suspected and disliked in his own country, where all
his power and influence lay, this man, so sensible, so moderate, so
dutiful, whose genius had not made him eccentric, and whose sympathies
were all with his own age, decided that the best thing he could do for
France and the glory of God was to clothe his own vigorous life and
personality in the obsolete dress of the cloister. It was not the
cloistered indolence of an Italian convent to which he looked forward.
In the strength of his life and genius he felt no need of that repose,
which would but have chafed him. Eager for work, conscious of his own
powers, devoted to his own country, and seeking to qualify himself for
renewed and advancing labour, this was the decision to which Lacordaire
came; a decision altogether inexplicable and amazing, which we are
unable to account for at this distance, much less to explain.
Nor was this resolution adopted by any capricious impulse, or in any
flash of imaginative ardour. It was a conclusion obtained not without
pain and resistance of the flesh. “I persuaded myself then,” he
explains, in one of his latest productions, quoted by M. de
Montalembert, “while wandering about Rome, and praying God in its
basilicas, that the greatest service which could be rendered to
Christendom in the times in which we live, was to do something for the
restoration of the religious orders. But this persuasion, though it was
for me the very light of the Gospel, left me undecided and trembling,
when I came to consider how unfit I was for such a great work. My faith,
thank God, was profound. I loved Jesus Christ and His Church above
everything created. I had loved glory before I loved God, but nothing
else. Besides, in descending into myself, I found nothing there which
seemed to me to answer to the idea of a founder or even restorer of an
order. When I contemplated these Colossi of Christian strength and piety
my soul fell under me, like a horseman under his horse—I was struck to
the ground discouraged and wounded. The mere idea of sacrificing my
liberty to a rule and to superiors overwhelmed me. The son of an age
which scarcely knew how to obey, independence had been my couch and my
guide. How could I transform myself suddenly into a docile heart, and
henceforward trust only in submission for the light of my conduct?” The
question was hard to answer. Of all men the young editor of ‘L’Avenir’
might have seemed the least likely to attain such a height of virtue;
but from this difficulty he escapes, after much further self-argument,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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