by the following conclusion:—
“I encouraged myself by these thoughts, and it occurred to me that all
my previous life, and even my faults, had prepared for me a certain
access to the heart of my country and my time. I asked myself if I
should not be guilty if I neglected these openings by a timidity which
was good for nothing but repose, and if the greatness even of the
sacrifice was not a reason for attempting it?... Urged by the
situation, and solicited by a grace stronger than myself, I at last
made up my mind; but the sacrifice was terrible. It had not cost me
nothing to leave the world for the priesthood, but it cost me
everything to add to the priesthood the burden of monastic life.
However, in the second case as in the first, as soon as I had
consented to it I knew neither weakness nor repentance, and went
forward courageously to meet the trials which awaited me.”
It is not difficult to recognise in this second great decision of his
life the same prompt and steadfast spirit which, having convinced the
young advocate of the nothingness of irreligion, bore him at once,
without pause or lingering, into the service of that faith in which
there _was_ something, a power owned by all human hearts. It is the same
principle which again moves him. Common means and modes of working this
power have been sadly unsuccessful of recent years. What is this grand,
unused, obsolete instrument, the traces of which are marked all over
that Roman soil among the vines and the ruins? Who can tell if perhaps
_that_, restored to efficient working, and new-tempered and polished,
might accomplish, as of old, those prodigies of labour and service, for
which the usual tools seem no longer practicable? As soon as he settles
in his mind the undoubted duty of trying this forgotten weapon, and
restoring it to the armoury of the Church, no further pause is
necessary. In the height of his fame and strength, the great preacher
returns upon the new preparations and training necessary for his new
life. He disappears into “the depths of an Italian cloister” for his
novitiate, assured that he is thus doing his highest duty to God and his
country. “I believe that this act is the _dénouement_ of my life—the
result of all that God has done before—the secret of His graces, of my
trials and experiences,” he writes. “I am like a man who has gained some
credit, and who can apply it to some useful and generous work. Without
the past I could do nothing; by continuing only the past, it would be a
life of which the effect was not proportioned to the grace which God has
given me.” This was the strange result of his retirement and pondering.
In Notre Dame, amid the throng of impressed and admiring hearers, the
preacher felt that he was not doing enough, nor making sufficient use of
God’s gifts. A noble discontent had seized him—he had to make better
usury yet, and greater, of his talent. To see him, after all his
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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