The reminiscences of childhood, of boyhood, and even of the first
entrance into youth, have to almost all men an indescribable charm. Up
to this time, we look back upon ourselves with a curious feeling, as
if it were not altogether ourselves we were contemplating, but rather
some _other being_ who preceded us, and whose thoughts and feelings
are the sole remembrance of them we have inherited. We look back upon
the frailties of that other self with an unlimited indulgence; we
smile at his errors, at his passions, at his griefs; we even sport
with his absurdities, and can afford to throw a playful ridicule over
all the follies he committed. This child that we are playing with is
ourself, but still it is only a child; and we have the fuller right
to play with it because it is ourself. No sense of responsibility
intervenes to disturb this singular amusement, where the adult is seen
toying with and holding in his arms the image of his own infancy. But
when this early pre-existent state has passed in review, and the real
man is summoned forth upon the scene, we begin to feel that this is
indeed ourselves; and we become too implicated and too much involved
in the part he performs, to enjoy any longer the position of an
imaginary spectator. We are sensitive to the errors, and responsible
for the faults, of this other self; we cannot treat him with cavalier
indifference; we must be his advocate or his censor. The retrospect
assumes a quite different character. Formerly we called up a departed
self from some half-fabulous region of the past, and questioned it
as to its ways of thinking and acting; we now stand ourselves in
the witness-box, and give our testimony; and the best of us must
occasionally assume the sullen aspect of an unwilling witness. Formerly
we sported with the past absurdity, ridiculed and laughed at it; but
now the remembered folly, the sentimental effusion of the youth, the
absurd oratorical display, the ridiculous exhibition, of whatever kind
it may have been, affords us no amusement. It matters not what the
distance of time, the cheek tingles with the reminiscence. What is
still more to the purpose, the griefs and afflictions which we have now
to summon up are the same in character as those we continue to feel,
and their recollection is but a renewal of suffering. The affliction of
the child rarely revives an affliction in the man--very often calls up
a smile at the idea that so much distress had been felt at so trivial a
cause. This is one reason why childhood appears, in our review of human
life, so much happier than any other portion of it. We find a mirth in
its remembered tears which assuredly we never discovered when they were
flowing. But the remembrance of the sorrows of a later period is but
sorrow itself, and we only taste again the bitterness of grief.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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