Blade-O'-Grass. Golden Grain. and Bread and Cheese and Kisses.Farjeon, B. L. (Benjamin Leopold)
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Blade-O'-Grass. Golden Grain. and Bread and Cheese and Kisses.
Farjeon, B. L. (Benjamin Leopold)
Christmas stories; Fiction
The morning light steals in upon his vigil, and still he has not
decided how or in what way he shall commence his new life. In truth he
is powerless. He has no weapons to fight with. His old confidence in
himself, his pride, his strength of will, are covered with the rust of
long weakness. Rising from his knees, he breaks the crust of ice upon
the water in his pitcher, and bathes his face. The cold water seems to
bring strength to him. He looks about the room, and everything within
the poor walls speaks of Jane's love and care for him. The fire is
laid with the last few sticks of wood and the last few lumps of coal.
The old kettle, filled, is on the hob. The last pinch of tea is in the
cup; the remains of the loaf are on the table. Not a thing is
forgotten. 'Dear woman!' he murmurs. 'It is like you!' He paces the
room slowly, striving to think of some path by which he can obtain a
home for Jane, and thereby win her and reward her. It is useless, he
knows, to seek for work here in the neighbourhood where he is known.
He is known too well, and has sunk too low. Who would believe in his
profession of amendment? Besides, what is the use of trying? He is of
the same trade as George Naldret, and even George, a better workman
than he, has resolved to leave, and try his fortune elsewhere, because
of the difficulty he finds in saving sufficient money to buy a home
for the girl he desires to marry. Even George is compelled to
emigrate---- He stops suddenly in the middle of the room, and draws
himself up with a spasmodic motion. Jane's words come to him: 'It is a
blessing for many that these new lands have been discovered. A man can
commence a new life there, without being crushed by the misfortunes or
faults of the past, if he be earnest enough to acquire strength. It
might be a blessing to you.' 'A new life in a new land!' he says
aloud. 'All the weakness and shame of the past wiped away because they
will not be known to those around me. I should feel myself a new
man--a better man; my strength, my courage would come back to me!' So
strong an impression does the inspiration of the thought make upon
him, that he trembles with excitement. But can he leave Jane--leave
the country which holds her dear form? Yes, he can, he will; the
memory of her will sustain him; and she will approve, as indeed she
has done already by her words. 'It is the only way!' he cries; 'the
only way!' Thus far he thinks, and then sinks into a chair,
despairing. The means! How can he obtain the means? He has not a
shilling in the world, nor any friends powerful enough to help him.
Heaven's gate seems to be more easily accessible to him than this new
land across the seas. But he does not allow himself to sink into the
lowest depth of despondency. Jane stands before him; her words are
with him; like wine they revive his fainting soul. 'Come, Saul,' he
cries aloud to himself, resolutely. 'Come--think! Cast aside your
weakness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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