Bones had indeed moved into the intellectual atmosphere of Devonshire
Street. He had hired a flat of great beauty and magnificence, with
lofty rooms and distempered walls and marble chimney-pieces, for all
the world like those rooms in the catalogues of furniture dealers which
so admirably show off the fifty-pound drawing-room suite offered on the
easiest terms.
"My dear old thing," he said, describing his new splendours to
Hamilton, "you ought to see the jolly old bathroom!"
"What do you want a bath for?" asked Hamilton innocently. "You've only
got the place for three years."
"Now, dear old thing, don't be humorous," said Bones severely. "Don't
be cheap, dear old comic one."
"The question is," said Hamilton, "why the dickens do you want a new
flat? Your old flat was quite a palatial establishment. Are you
thinking of setting up housekeeping?"
Bones turned very red. In his embarrassment he stood first upon one
leg and then the other, lifting his eyebrows almost to the roof of his
head to let in his monocle, and lifted them as violently to let it out
again.
"Don't pry, don't pry, dear old Ham," he said testily. "Great Heavens
and Moses! Can't a fellow take a desirable flat, with all modern
conveniences, in the most fashionable part of the West End, and all
that sort of thing, without exciting the voice of scandal, dear old
thing? I'm surprised at you, really I am, Ham. I am, Ham," he
repeated. "That sounds good," he said, brightening up. "Am Ham!"
"But what is the scheme?" persisted Hamilton.
"A bargain, a bargain, dear old officer," said Bones, hurriedly, and
proceeded to the next business.
That next business included the rejection of several very promising
offers which had arrived from different directors of companies, and
people. Bones was known as a financier. People who wanted other
people to put money into things invariably left Bones to the last,
because they liked trying the hard things first. The inventor and
patentee of the reaping machine that could be worked by the farmer in
his study, by means of push keys, was sure, sooner or later, to meet a
man who scratched his chin and said:
"Hard luck, but why don't you try that man Tibbetts? He's got an
office somewhere around. You'll find it in the telephone book. He's
got more money than he knows what to do with, and your invention is the
very thing he'd finance."
As a rule, it was the very thing that Bones did not finance.
Companies that required ten thousand pounds for the extension of their
premises, and the fulfilment of the orders which were certain to come
next year, drafted through their secretaries the most wonderful
letters, offering Bones a seat on their board, or even two seats, in
exchange for his autograph on the south-east corner of a cheque. These
letters usually began somehow like this:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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