Bottoms Up: An Application of the Slapstick to SatireNathan, George Jean
General
Bottoms Up: An Application of the Slapstick to Satire
Nathan, George Jean
American wit and humor
At Tonio’s signal, the curtains open disclosing a cross-roads with
a rude portable theatre and Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt with a party
of débutantes. The distant sounds of a cracked trumpet and belabored
drum call the peasants together, and they greet with joy the
familiar characters in whose costumes Canio, Nedda, and Beppo enter
simultaneously with Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont’s party, Mrs. Otto Kahn’s
party, Mrs. Goelet, in mauve _faille d’amour_ silk, and a party of
young people chaperoned by Mrs. Douglas Robinson. Silencing the crowd
(on the stage), Canio announces the play for the evening--and is
heard. Canio descends and boxes the ears of Tonio, who loves Nedda.
Tonio, and two old gentlemen of decided snoring proclivities who have
been sitting in the eighth row, wander off. A villager invites the
players to drink. Twenty-seven gentlemen in the audience accept the
invitation. The villager hints that Tonio lingers to flirt with Nedda,
and the ladies in the boxes also get busy with recent scandal. Canio
takes it as a joke, twenty-one of the twenty-seven gentlemen taking it
with water. Canio says he loves his wife. And, after kissing her, he
departs coincident with the arrival of the occupants of the Gould and
Sloane boxes. The other peasants, and forty-two other gentlemen, leave
the scene.
Nedda, left alone, broods over the fierce look which Canio and Gatti
Casazza gave her. She wonders if Canio suspects her. The sunlight
and the new gown and necklace on Mrs. Payne Whitney thrill her and
she revels in the song and the sport of the birds (“Ballatella”). At
the end of the rhapsody she finds that the hideous Tonio, if not the
audience, has been listening. He makes ardent love, but she laughs him
to scorn. He pursues her, however, and she, picking up Beppo’s whip,
slashes him across the face. He swears revenge and stumbles away. Now
her secret lover, Silvio, steals in with the twenty-seven gentlemen
who have been over to Browne’s. Silvio pleads with her to go away with
him. She promises in an undertone to meet him that night at Del Pezzo’s
Italian Restaurant at the corner of Seventh Avenue and Thirty-fourth
Street. Tonio, having seen them, hurries away. He gets the ear of Canio
and returns coincidently with thirty-four of some forty-odd gentlemen
who have been across the street. Silvio, however, escapes unnoticed and
so do the two old gentlemen who have been sleeping in the eighth row.
Canio threatens to kill Nedda and Leoncavallo’s music. Beppo and one
of the old gentlemen who has forgotten his overcoat rush back. Beppo
disarms Canio. Tonio hints that Nedda’s lover may appear that night
in the play and some bizarre looking ladies in the third row hint a
lot of other things. Left alone, Canio bewails his bitter fate, and
the gentlemen whose wives won’t let them get out do the same. In wild
grief, Canio finally gropes his way off. And such gentlemen as are left
in the audience follow suit.
(To be continued)
THREE MODERN DRAMATISTS
BRIEUX
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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