“Soak it away agin, Kitty,” sez I, “an' I'll go out an' give de road a dash, an' if I kin dig up enny uv dem swell cream cakes from uptown, w'ot's down here ter see de sights, yer kin bet yer sweet life dey won't get away dis time from yours truly, an' de lan'lord will git his coin.” Dere ain't no finish ter dis, but Kitty didn't croak after all. P. S.--De lan'lord got his rent all rite, an' dere wuzn't no kick cumin' from him. CHUCK AND SLATS IN SOCIETY |I wuz uptown wunce w'en I had de time uv me life. Dere's a good many uv de mob around de Reservation wot ain't never been uptown. Dey never travelled an' don't know nuttin'. Yer kin rend t'ings out uv books an' papers but you've got ter see 'em if yer want ter git next rite. Dat's de only way. Well, dis is de way dis trip happened. A bloke wot lives uptown an' knows all erbout it an' who's er kind uv er pal uv mine on account uv me knowin' him so long cum down wun nite an' tips me off dat he wants ter take me an' me gal up to er swell dump w'ere dere's er racket. I wuz afraid dat I would have ter dig up wun uv dose funny suits uv clothes wid er white shirt, but he said nixey, dat it wuz all rite ter go just as I wuz. So I hussies around and digs up Slats--me bundle, yer know--an' off we start. “Cum on,” sez de swell bloke, “let's take er car.” “No,” sez I, “let's do de Dan O'Leary--walk, yer know--an' blow in de car far fer er cupple uv mugs uv ale.” It wuz like goin' ter China fer Slats, fer she always stuck to de block, an' by de time we got ter Fourteenth street she wuz hancin' on ter me right wing like. I give her a waist hold wot almost took her off her pins. “Dis guy hez got us uptown here an' if yer ain't careful he'll switch an' drop us in an ice wagon an' give us er freeze out. So keep dat kisser uv yours barricaded an' consider yerself stuffed 'til yer git back.” Just den de bloke we wuz wid handed me er segar dat wuz er beaut. It must hev cost ten cents, enny-how. Den Slats opened up ag'in. “Say, Willie,” she sez, “yer ain't got er cigaret, hev yer?” “Sure,” sez he, an' he hands her er box uv 'em. Well, she copped de whole bunch an handed him back de empty box. De bloke looked at me an' I looked at Slats an' she looked at de cigaret's. Wot do yer t'ink uv dat fer gall? W'en I got er chance I whispered: “Say, w'ere's de bloke's cigaret's?” “Wot bloke's cigaret's?” she sez. “W'y de bloke wot brought us up here.” Den she gives me de old gaserline smile and sez: “Ah, fergit it.” “I won't fergit it, an' wot do ver tink uv dat?” sez I. “Well, try an' fergit it,” sez she. Dat took all de asbestos out uv me fer a minnit, so I sez: “All rite me old bundle, I'll put de kibosh on you w'en we git back ter de Reservation.” By this time she wuz gittin' kinder used ter de lights, an' I could see she wuz gittin' fresh. So I t'ought dat maybe I'd hev ter hand her wun just ter keep her in her place, w'en we pulled up in frunt uv er big joint.