"Paresi!" spat Anderson. "Medic or no, you'll watch your mouth!"
"Sorry, Captain. That _was_ panic seed. Hoskins--"
"Don't explain it to me," said the engineer mildly. "I know what you
meant. Suicide's the direct product of survival compulsions--drives that
try to save something, just as fight and flight are efforts to save
something. I don't think you need worry; immolation doesn't tempt me.
I'm too--too interested in what goes on. What are you going to do about
Ives?"
"Bunk him, I guess, and stand by to fix up that headache he'll wake up
to. Give me a hand, will you?"
Hoskins went to the bulkhead and dropped a second acceleration couch. It
took all three of them, working hard, to lift Ives' great bulk up to it.
Paresi opened the first-aid kit clamped under the control console and
went to the unconscious man. The Captain cast about him for something to
do, something to say, and apparently found it. "Hoskins!"
"Aye."
"Do you usually think better on an empty stomach?"
"Not me."
"I never have either."
Hoskins smiled. "I can take a hint. I'll rassle up something hot and
filling."
"Good man," said the Captain, as Hoskins disappeared toward the after
quarters. Anderson walked over to the doctor and stood watching him
clean up the abraded bruise on Ives' forehead.
Paresi, without looking up, said, "You'd better say it, whatever it is.
Get it out."
Anderson half-chuckled. "You psychic?"
Paresi shot him a glance. "Depends. If you mean has a natural
sensitivity to the tension spectra coupled itself with some years of
practice in observing people--then yes. What's on your mind?"
Anderson said nothing for a long time. It was as if he were waiting for
a question, a single prod from Paresi. But Paresi wouldn't give it.
Paresi waited, just waited, with his dark face turned away, not helping,
not pushing, not doing a single thing to modify the pressure that
churned about in the Captain.
"All right," said the Captain irritably. "I'll tell you."
Paresi took tweezers, a retractor, two scalpels and a hypodermic case
out of the kit and laid them in a neat row on the bunk. He then picked
up each one and returned it to the kit. When he had quite finished
Anderson said, "I was wondering, _who's next?_"
Paresi nodded and shut the kit with a sharp click. He looked up at the
Captain and nodded again. "Why does it have to be you?" he asked.
"I didn't say it would be me!" said the Captain sharply.
"Didn't you?" When the Captain had no answer, Paresi asked him, "Then
why wonder about a thing like that?"
"Oh ... I see what you mean. When you start to be afraid, you start to
be unsure--not of anyone else's weaknesses, but of your own. That what
you mean?"
"Yup." His dark-framed grin flashed suddenly. "But you're not afraid,
Cap'n."
"The hell I'm not."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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