"So I would," agreed the doctor. "But in our case I couldn't do anything
of the kind. Johnny broke over machines that really didn't work. Hoskins
broke over phenomena that couldn't be measured nor understood. Ives
broke over things that scuttled and crawled. Subjectively real
phenomena, all of them. Whatever basic terrors hide in you and in me
will come to face us, no matter how improbable they might be. And you
want me to tell you what they are. No, skipper. Better leave them in
your subconscious, where you've buried them."
"I'm not afraid," said the Captain. "Tell me, Paresi! At least I'll
know. I'd rather know. I'd so _damn_ much rather know!"
"You're sure I can tell you?"
"Yes."
"I haven't psychoanalyzed you, you know. Some of these things are very
hard to--"
"You do know, don't you?"
"Damn you, yes!" Paresi wet his lips. "All right, then. I may be doing a
wrong thing here.... You've cuddled up to the idea that I'm a very
astute character who automatically knows about things like this, and
it's been a comfort to you. Well, I've got news for you. I didn't figure
all these things out. I was told."
"Told?"
"Yes, told," said Paresi angrily. "Look, this is supposed to be
restricted information, but the Exploration Service doesn't rely on
individual aptitude tests alone to make up a crew. There's another
factor--call it an inaptitude factor. In its simplest terms, it comes to
this: that a crew can't work together only if each member is the most
efficient at his job. He has to _need_ the others, each one of the
others. And the word _need_ predicates _lack_. In other words, none of
us is a balanced individual. And the imbalances are chosen to match and
blend, so that we will react as a balanced unit. Sure I know Johnny's
bugaboos, and Hoskins', and yours. They were all in my indoctrination
treatments. I know all your case histories, all your psychic
push-buttons."
"And yours?" demanded the Captain.
"Hoskins, for example," said Paresi. "Happily married, no children.
Physically inferior all his life. Repressed desire for pure science
which produced more than a smattering of a great many sciences and made
him a hell of an engineer. High idealistic quotient; self sacrifice.
Look at him playing chess, making of this very real situation a
theoretical abstraction ... like leaving a marriage for deep space.
"Johnny we know about. Brought up with never failing machines. Still
plays with them as if they were toys, and like any imaginative child,
turns to his toys for reassurance. He needs to be a hero, hence the
stars....
"Ives ... always fat. Learned to be easy-going, learned to laugh _with_
when others were laughing _at_, and bottling up pressures every time it
happened. A large appetite. He's here to satisfy it; he's with us so he
can eat up the galaxies...."
There was a long pause. "Go on," said the Captain. "Who's next? You?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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