The black glasses didn't interfere a bit--the dozens of faces in this
speeding electric car were suddenly as familiar as the court cards in
a deck--and he had the feeling that, like a bunch of pink pasteboards,
they were about to be hurled in his face.
My God, he asked himself, flinching, how could you go on living with
so many faces so close to you, so completely known?--each street you
turned into, each store you entered, each gathering you joined, another
deluge of unique features. Ugly, pretty, strong, weak--those words
didn't mean anything any more in this drenching of individuality he was
getting, and that showed no signs of stopping.
So he hardly heard Vivian saying, "And it's true of you, Ernie--in
spades, for your black glasses," and he hardly remembered parting from
her, and when he found himself alone he did something unprecedented for
him at that time of day--he went to a bar and drank two double whiskies.
* * * * *
The drinks brought the downtown landscape back to normal and stopped
the faces printing themselves on his mind, but they left him very
disturbed, and the suspiciousness with which he was treated at the
office didn't improve that, and Ernie began to wish for ordinariness
and commonplaceness in himself more than anything in the whole
world. If only, he silently implored, there were some way of junking
everything that had happened to him in the past few weeks--except maybe
Vivian.
Verna on the train home positively terrified him. She was unusually
talkative and engulfing this evening and he thought that if the
faces-forever feeling came to him just as she was baring her
food-triangles and all, he wouldn't be able to stand it. Somehow, it
didn't. Yet the very intensity of his distaste frightened him. Not for
the first time, the word "insanity" appeared in his mind, pulsing in
pale yellowish-green.
Half a block from home, passing his parked car (with an unconscious
little veer of avoidance), he spotted three figures in close conference
in front of his house: his sister, a man in dark blue--yes, Mr. Jones,
and ... a man in a white coat.
Almost before he knew it, he was in his car and driving away. He truly
didn't know what he was going to do, only that he was going to do it,
and found a trivial interest in trying to guess what it was going to
be. Whatever it was, it was going to dim that yellowish-green word,
decrease its type-size, make him a little more able to face the crisis
waiting him at home ... or somewhere.
He had a picture of himself getting on an airplane, another of renting
a room in a slum, another of stopping the car on a lonely, treeless
country road and getting out and looking up to the coldly glimmering
Milky Way--why?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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