Just at that moment, the power came back to him that made everything
feverishly real, expanding his center of attention to his visual
horizons, and this time it was only a prelude, for a second gateway
opened behind the first--a window into all human hearts and minds, the
power of human insight fantastically sharpened and enlarged. He could
"read minds," or at least he knew the motives--the core of values and
consciousness--of any person he cared to look at. Most especially, he
knew the motives of Verna and Vivian almost as if he _were_ them.
The big thing about Vivian was her fear--no, her conviction, that she
wasn't attractive. Every glance her way knocked a hole in the armor of
artificial attractiveness she built around herself, and all the hours
she devoted to perfecting it, even the desperate worship she lavished
on her body, were all utterly lost. A simple relationship with another
human being was unthinkable; her armor got in the way and under her
armor she knew she was worthless. A man was sometimes attracted to her
armor--never to herself!--but as soon as he started to scrutinize it,
it began to tarnish and crumple.
She hoped that other people, men especially, had a trace of her own
weaknesses, and she sniped away at them constantly to get under the
armor to find out. Ernie was one in a long series of such men. She was
actually in love with him, but only as one loves a dream, not the real
Ernie at all. Physically he was disgusting to her, like most men.
* * * * *
Verna, on the other hand, had absolute confidence that she was
sufficiently attractive for all practical purposes. She wasn't in love
with Ernie at all. She wanted to make an intellectual conquest of him,
add him to her private Brain Trust, her cultured entourage that won Mr.
Abrusian's seldom-tendered admiration and broke Miss Minkin's heart,
and finally get Ernie to join the Working Boys' Front. He was one of
her projects. If it became tactically necessary during her campaign,
she knew that Ernie would be only too happy to jump in bed with her,
food-triangles and all.
Now in other circumstances (who really knows?), Ernie might have found
the courage to accept Vivian and Verna as they really were and work
on from there, ruthlessly discarding his false pictures of them--and
of himself. He might conceivably have found the strength to accept
all people not as shadowy projections of himself, fabricated targets
of his desires and aversions, puppets in his private chess games and
circuses, but as complete persons with inexhaustible surprises and
contradictions, each a microcosm, a universe-in-little with his or her
own earth and stars, spaceflight and crawling, heaven and hell.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account