Bullets & Billets By Bruce Bairnsfather 1916 TO MY OLD PALS, "BILL," "BERT," AND "ALF," WHO HAVE SAT IN THE MUD WITH ME CONTENTS CHAPTER I Landing at Havre--Tortoni's--Follow the tram lines--Orders for the Front. CHAPTER II Tortuous travelling--Clippers and tablets--Dumped at a siding--I join my Battalion. CHAPTER III Those Plugstreet trenches--Mud and rain--Flooded out--A hopeless dawn. CHAPTER IV More mud--Rain and bullets--A bit of cake--"Wind up"--Night rounds. CHAPTER V My man Friday--"Chuck us the biscuits"--Relieved--Billets. CHAPTER VI The Transport Farm--Fleeced by the Flemish--Riding--Nearing Christmas. CHAPTER VII A projected attack---Digging a sap--An 'ell of a night--The attack--Puncturing Prussians. CHAPTER VIII Christmas Eve--A lull in hate--Briton cum Boche. CHAPTER IX Souvenirs--A ride to Nieppe--Tea at H.Q.--Trenches once more. CHAPTER X My partial escape from the mud--The deserted village--My "cottage." CHAPTER XI Stocktaking--Fortifying--Nebulous Fragments. CHAPTER XII A brain wave--Making a "funk hole"--Plugstreet Wood--Sniping. CHAPTER XIII Robinson Crusoe--That turbulent table. CHAPTER XIV The Amphibians--Fed-up, but determined--The gun parapet. CHAPTER XV Arrival of the "Johnsons"--"Where did that one go?"--The First Fragment dispatched--The exodus--Where? CHAPTER XVI New trenches--The night inspection--Letter from the _Bystander_. CHAPTER XVII Wulverghem--The Douve--Corduroy boards--Back at our farm. CHAPTER XVIII The painter and decorator--Fragments forming--Night on the mud prairie. CHAPTER XIX Visions of leave--Dick Turpin--Leave! CHAPTER XX That Leave train--My old pal--London and home--The call of the wild. CHAPTER XXI Back from leave--That "blinkin' moon"--Johnson 'oles--Tommy and "frightfulness"--Exploring expedition. CHAPTER XXII A daylight stalk--The disused trench--"Did they see me?"--A good sniping position. CHAPTER XXIII Our moated farm--Wulverghem--The Curé's house--A shattered Church--More "heavies"--A farm on fire. CHAPTER XXIV That ration fatigue--Sketches in request--Bailleul--Baths and lunatics--How to conduct a war. CHAPTER XXV Getting stale--Longing for change--We leave the Douve--On the march--Spotted fever--Ten days' rest. CHAPTER XXVI A pleasant change--Suzette, Berthe and Marthe--"La jeune fille farouche"--André. CHAPTER XXVII Getting fit--Caricaturing the Curé--"Dirty work ahead"--A projected attack--Unlooked-for orders. CHAPTER XXVIII We march for Ypres--Halt at Locre--A bleak camp and meagre fare--Signs of battle--First view of Ypres. CHAPTER XXIX Getting nearer--A lugubrious party--Still nearer--Blazing Ypres--Orders for attack. CHAPTER XXX Rain and mud--A trying march--In the thick of it--A wounded officer--Heavy shelling--I get my "quietus!" CHAPTER XXXI Slowly recovering--Field hospital--Ambulance train--Back in England. LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS