_Bayes._ Sir, if you'll but respite your curiosity till the end of the fifth act, you'll find it a piece of patience not ill recompensed. [_Goes to the door._ _Johns._ How dost thou like this, Frank? Is it not just as I told thee? _Smith._ Why, I never did before this see anything in nature, and all that (as Mr. Bayes says) so foolish, but I could give some guess at what moved the fop to do it; but this, I confess, does go beyond my reach. _Johns._ It is all alike; Mr. Wintershull[12] has informed me of this play already. And I'll tell thee, Frank, thou shalt not see one scene here worth one farthing, or like anything thou canst imagine has ever been the practice of the world. And then, when he comes to what he calls good language, it is, as I told thee, very fantastical, most abominably dull, and not one word to the purpose. _Smith._ It does surprise me, I'm sure, very much. _Johns._ Ay, but it won't do so long: by that time thou hast seen a play or two, that I'll show thee, thou wilt be pretty well acquainted with this new kind of foppery. _Smith._ Plague on't, but there's no pleasure in him: he's too gross a fool to be laugh'd at. _Enter_ BAYES. _Johns._ I'll swear, Mr. Bayes, you have done this scene most admirably; tho' I must tell you, sir, it is a very difficult matter to pen a whisper well. _Bayes._ Ay, gentlemen, when you come to write yourselves, on my word, you'll find it so. _Johns._ Have a care of what you say, Mr. Bayes; for Mr. Smith there, I assure you, has written a great many fine things already. _Bayes._ Has he, i'fackins? why then pray, sir, how do you do when you write? _Smith._ Faith, sir, for the most part, I am in pretty good health. _Bayes._ Ay, but I mean, what do you do when you write? _Smith._ I take pen, ink, and paper, and sit down. _Bayes._ Now I write standing; that's one thing; and then another thing is, with what do you prepare yourself? _Smith._ Prepare myself! what the devil does the fool mean? _Bayes._ Why, I'll tell you, now, what I do. If I am to write familiar things, as sonnets to Armida, and the like, I make use of stew'd prunes only: but, when I have a grand design in hand, I ever take physic, and let blood; for, when you would have pure swiftness of thought, and fiery flights of fancy, you must have a care of the pensive part. In fine, you must purge the stomach. _Smith._ By my troth, sir, this is a most admirable receipt for writing. _Bayes._ Ay, 'tis my secret; and, in good earnest, I think one of the best I have. _Smith._ In good faith, sir, and that may very well be. _Bayes._ May be, sir? Egad, I'm sure on't: _Experto crede Roberto._ But I must give you this caution by the way, be sure you never take snuff,[13] when you write. _Smith._ Why so, sir? _Bayes._ Why, it spoil'd me once, egad, one of the sparkishest plays in all England. But a friend of mine, at Gresham College, has promised to help me to some spirit of brains, and, egad, that shall do my business. SCENE II.