_Vols._ My legs the emblem of my various thought Show to what sad distraction I am brought. Sometimes with stubborn honour, like this boot, My mind is guarded, and resolv'd to do't: Sometimes again, that very mind, by love Disarméd, like this other leg does prove. Shall I to honour or to love give way? Go on, cries honour;[33] tender love says, nay; Honour aloud commands, pluck both boots on; But softer love does whisper, put on none. What shall I do! what conduct shall I find, To lead me thro' this twilight of my mind? For as bright day, with black approach of night Contending, makes a doubtful puzzling light; So does my honour and my love together Puzzle me so, I can resolve for neither. [_Goes out hopping, with one boot on, and t'other off._ _Johns._ By my troth, sir, this is as difficult a combat as ever I saw, and as equal; for 'tis determin'd on neither side. _Bayes._ Ay, is't not now egad, ha? for to go off hip-hop, hip-hop, upon this occasion, is a thousand times better than any conclusion in the world, egad. _Johns._ Indeed, Mr. Bayes, that hip-hop, in this place, as you say, does a very great deal. _Bayes._ Oh, all in all, sir! they are these little things that mar, or set you off a play; as I remember once in a play of mine, I set off a scene, egad, beyond expectation, only with a petticoat, and the gripes.[34] _Smith._ Pray how was that, sir? _Bayes._ Why, sir, I contriv'd a petticoat to be brought in upon a chair (nobody knew how) into a prince's chamber, whose father was not to see it, that came in by chance. _Johns._ By-my-life, that was a notable contrivance indeed. _Smith._ Ay, but Mr. Bayes, how could you contrive the stomach-ache? _Bayes._ The easiest i' th' world, egad: I'll tell you how. I made the prince sit down upon the petticoat, no more than so, and pretended to his father that he had just then got the gripes: whereupon his father went out to call a physician, and his man ran away with the petticoat. _Smith._ Well, and what follow'd upon that? _Bayes._ Nothing, no earthly thing, I vow to gad. _Johns._ On my word, Mr. Bayes, there you hit it. _Bayes._ Yes, it gave a world of content. And then I paid 'em away besides; for it made them all talk beastly: ha, ha, ha, beastly! downright beastly upon the stage, egad, ha, ha, ha! but with an infinite deal of wit, that I must say. _Johns._ That, ay, that, we know well enough, can never fail you. _Bayes._ No, egad, can't it. Come, bring in the dance. [_Exit to call the Players._ _Smith._ Now, the plague take thee for a silly, confident, unnatural, fulsome rogue. _Enter_ BAYES _and_ PLAYERS. _Bayes._ Pray dance well before these gentlemen; you are commonly so lazy, but you should be light and easy, tah, tah, tah. [_All the while they dance_, BAYES _puts them out with teaching them._