Well, gentlemen, you'll see this dance, if I am not deceiv'd, take very well upon the stage, when they are perfect in their motions, and all that. _Smith._ I don't know how 'twill take, sir; but I am sure you sweat hard for't. _Bayes._ Ay, sir, it costs me more pains and trouble to do these things than almost the things are worth. _Smith._ By my troth, I think so, sir. _Bayes._ Not for the things themselves; for I could write you, sir, forty of 'em in a day: but, egad, these players are such dull persons, that if a man be not by 'em upon every point, and at every turn, egad, they'll mistake you, sir, and spoil all. _Enter a_ PLAYER. What, is the funeral ready? _Play._ Yes, sir. _Bayes._ And is the lance fill'd with wine? _Play._ Sir, 'tis just now a-doing. _Bayes._ Stay, then, I'll do it myself. _Smith._ Come, let's go with him. _Bayes._ A match. But, Mr. Johnson, egad, I am not like other persons; they care not what becomes of their things, so they can but get money for 'em: now, egad, when I write, if it be not just as it should be in every circumstance, to every particular, egad, I am no more able to endure it, I am not myself, I'm out of my wits, and all that; I'm the strangest person in the whole world: for what care I for money? I write for reputation. [_Exeunt._ * * * * * ACT IV.--SCENE I. BAYES, _and the two Gentlemen_. _Bayes._ Gentlemen, because I would not have any two things alike in this play, the last act beginning with a witty scene of mirth, I make this to begin with a funeral. _Smith._ And is that all your reason for it, Mr. Bayes? _Bayes._ No, sir, I have a precedent for it besides. A person of honour, and a scholar, brought in his funeral just so;[35] and he was one, let me tell you, that knew as well what belong'd to a funeral as any man in England, egad. _Johns._ Nay, if that be so, you are safe. _Bayes._ Egad, but I have another device, a frolic, which I think yet better than all this; not for the plot or characters (for, in my heroic plays, I make no difference as to those matters), but for another contrivance. _Smith._ What is that, I pray? _Bayes._ Why, I have design'd a conquest that cannot possibly, egad, be acted in less than a whole week; and I'll speak a bold word, it shall drum, trumpet, shout, and battle, egad, with any the most warlike tragedy we have, either ancient or modern.[36] _Johns._ Ay, marry, sir, there you say something. _Smith._ And pray, sir, how have you order'd this same frolic of yours? _Bayes._ Faith, sir, by the rule of romance; for example, they divide their things into three, four, five, six, seven, eight, or as many tomes as they please. Now I would very fain know what should hinder me from doing the same with my things, if I please? _Johns._ Nay, if you should not be master of your own works, 'tis very hard.