You can say, if you want to, that your great-great-great-great-grandfather was a monkey with a prehensile tail, playing in the back alley, all right, but you can’t connect me with your monkey ancestors. Why is it that corn that is fed to chickens makes feathers; that fed to sheep makes wool; that fed to the cow makes milk, and that which you eat goes into brain? The men who undertake to overthrow the Bible will find the biggest job they ever had on their hands, and a lot of these lobsters have already gone to the mat for the count. Don’t you feel like brutes; don’t you feel lower than snakes when you raise you voice against the Bible and this campaign, which is working for the influence of Christianity? You can take all the books of all ages and nations, and take out all that is good and noble in them, and you can’t produce a book which will touch the hem of the Bible, which, is the word of God. SPIRITUALISM ON THE GRILL. Spiritualism is of the devil, pure and simple. I have no quarrel with you if you’re a spiritualist, but I have with that damnable doctrine. Spiritualism is as old as the Egyptian mummies or the sphinx. It had long, gray hair and walked on crutches of decrepitude before Athens or Rome had a single mud hut or Romulus and Remus had been nourished by the wolf. It cannot work in the light, but needs darkness, because its deeds are evil. I never knew a confirmed spiritualist who had a normal physical body. Their religion is unclean. Christian science is the worst tommyrot since the Third Century. STRAIGHT SHOTS FROM THE SHOULDER. Bryan, clean as a hound’s tooth—he’s a friend of mine, too—isn’t afraid to put a Bible under his arm and preach the word of God. The churches used to be daffy over high-critic preachers. Nowadays your high-critic preachers are wearing out shoe leather and going blind reading the want columns, trying to find jobs. Down in Georgia they were having a dress ball. Huh! Better call it an undress ball. Religion will do more for the world than it is now, as soon as God gets more than dimes and nickles to work with. Some ministers are as crazy after sensation as the “yellowest” newspaper that ever came off the press. Some of you society women are so stuck-up with pride that you can’t lie straight in bed at night. These long-winded prayers will never get anything for Christ. In nearly every church there is a little bunch that prays and all the rest are going to the devil. What Shakespeare says is “literatwah,” but what Bill Sunday says is “vulgwah.” The worst thing that ever wriggled out of hell is a church scrap. I believe that some time in the life of every man and woman there will come a time when they will pray.