I have traced the growth of cruelty obsession in children one would not
suspect of any great tendency to animalism. A refined love of making
others suffer has led them to vent inquisitionary tortures on insects,
and the mania for pulling off the legs of flies and roasting beetles
under spyglasses has been gradually extended to drowning mice in cages
and seeing pigs killed. Time develops the germ; the cruel boy becomes
the callous doctor or "sharp-practising" attorney, and the cruel girl
becomes the cruel mother and often the frail divorcée. Drink and cards
are an obsession with some; cruelty is just as much a matter of
obsession with others. But the ingenuity of the occult brain rises to
higher things; it rises to the subtlest form of invention when dealing
with the artistic and literary temperament. I have been intimately
acquainted with authors--well-known in the popular sense of the
word--who have been obsessed in the oddest and often most painful ways.
The constant going back to turn door-handles, the sitting in grotesque
and untoward positions, the fondness for fingering any smooth and shiny
objects, such as mother-of-pearl, develop into manias for change--change
of scenery, of occupation, of affections, of people--change that
inevitably necessitates misery; for breaking--breaking promises,
contracts, family ties, furniture--but breaking, always breaking; for
sensuality--sensuality sometimes venial, but often of the most gross and
unpardonable nature.
I knew a musician who was obsessed in a peculiarly loathsome manner. Few
knew of his misfortune, and none abominated it more than himself. He
sang divinely, had the most charming personality, was all that could be
desired as a husband and father, and yet was, in secret, a monomaniac of
the most degrading and unusual order. In the daytime, when all was
bright and cheerful, his mania was forgotten; but the moment twilight
came, and he saw the shadows of night stealing stealthily towards him,
his craze returned, and, if alone, he would steal surreptitiously out of
the house and, with the utmost perseverance, seek an opportunity of
carrying into effect his bestial practices. I have known him tie himself
to the table, surround himself with Bibles, and resort to every
imaginable device to divert his mind from his passion, but all to no
purpose; the knowledge that outside all was darkness and shadows proved
irresistible. With a beating heart he put on his coat and hat, and,
furtively opening the door, slunk out to gratify his hateful lust.
Heaven knows! he went through hell.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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