Love stories; Political fiction; Southern States -- Fiction
Juniper looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “I’se allus been proud
ob de way she done washin’, suh,” he said; “she sho do mek money dat
away, an’ I ain’t gwine ter complain ob noffin but de way she behaved
’bout Miss Eaton’s silver teapot, dat Miss Jinny done gib me fo’ a
birthday present.”
“Silver teapot?” Caleb Trench looked questioningly at the judge.
“Juniper had a birthday,” Judge Hollis explained grimly, “and Aunt
Charity gave him a birthday party. I reckon we all sent Juniper
something, but Jinny Eaton gave him a silver-plated teapot, and there
have been squalls ever since. Who’s got that teapot now, Juniper?”
“She hab,” said Juniper indignantly. “I locked dat teapot in my trunk,
Judge, an’ I done tole her dat she couldn’t hab it when I died bekase
she’d gib it ter dat mean trash son ob hers, Lysander, an’ when I wus
out she done got a locksmith ter gib her a key ter fit dat trunk,
an’ she got dat teapot, an’ she’s gwine ter gib tea ter Deacon Plato
Eaton, an’ he hab er wife already, not sayin’ noffin ’bout concubines.
I ain’t gwine ter hab him drinkin’ no tea outen dat silver teapot dat
Miss Jinny done gib me. I’se gwine ter git divorcement an’ I wants dat
teapot.”
“Why don’t you settle it with Uncle Plato?” asked the judge. “Assault
and battery is cheaper than divorce.”
Juniper rubbed the back of his head thoughtfully. “De fact ez, Jedge,”
he said, “I ain’t sho dat I’se gwine ter whip him.”
“Juniper,” said the judge, “you tell Uncle Plato from me that if he
drinks tea out of that teapot you’ll sue him for ten thousand dollars
damages for alienating your wife’s affections.”
Juniper looked at him admiringly. “I sho will, Jedge,” he said.
“Alyanatying her ’fections! I sho will! Dat sounds mos’ ez bad ez
settin’ fire ter de cou’t-house. I ’low Plato ain’t gwine ter cotch et
ef he kin help it. I sho ez grateful ter yo’ all, Jedge.”
The judge swung his revolving chair around to his desk. “Very good,” he
said grimly; “you can go now, Juniper.”
The old man turned and shuffled back to the door; as he opened it he
bowed again. “Alyanatying her ’fections! I ’low I ain’t gwine ter
fergit dat. Evenin’, gentermen,” and he closed the door.
The judge looked across at Caleb. “That’s one of the Eaton faction,”
he remarked grimly. “Yarnall has to contend with that kind of cattle.
Juniper’s sold, body and soul, to the Eatons, and that old fool, Jinny
Eaton, gave him a silver-plated teapot for his birthday. You might
as well give a nigger a diamond sunburst or a tame bear. He and his
wife have been at swords’ points ever since, but as sure as the first
Tuesday in November comes, that whole black horde will vote the Eaton
ticket.”
Caleb Trench regarded the judge thoughtfully. “You’d like to
disfranchise the negro,” he remarked.
Hollis grunted. “You’re a black Republican,” he said bitingly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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