France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Not a muscle in her body moved in response to my supplication. Her
nape exasperated me more than ever. Amidst locks of silky hair I now
saw eyes which railed at me and a mouth which mocked me. And I had an
impulse to strike her, to belabor her with my fists, to beat her till
she bled.
"Juliette!" I shouted.
And my fingers, shriveled, spread apart and hooked like talons of a
bird of prey, came close to her, in spite of myself, ready to claw this
nape, impatient to tear it to pieces.
"Juliette!"
Juliette slowly turned her head, looked at me with contempt, without
fear.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"What do I want?... What do I want?"
I was going to threaten her.... I half arose in bed, I was
gesticulating violently.... And suddenly my rage subsided, I came close
to Juliette, crouched before her, filled with repentance, and kissing
that perfumed and beautiful nape:
"What I want, my dear, is that you should be happy.... That you shall
receive your friends.... It was so foolish on my part to demand of you
what I did!... Aren't you the best of women?... Don't I love you?...
Ah, hereafter I shall have no other wish than yours, I promise you!...
And you'll see how nice I am going to be to them!... Wait.... Why
should you not invite Gabrielle for dinner?... And Jesselin also?"
"No! No! You say it now, but tomorrow you'll reproach me for it.... No!
No!... I don't want to force upon you people whom you despise--nasty
women and idiots!"
"I don't know where my head was when I said that.... I don't despise
them at all ... on the contrary I like them very much.... Invite both
of them.... And I'll go and get a box at the Vaudeville."
"No!"
"I implore you!"
Her voice became less harsh, she closed the book.
"Well! We'll see tomorrow."
Really, at that moment I loved Gabrielle, Jesselin, Celestine--I even
thought I loved Malterre.
I no longer worked. Not that love of work deserted me, but I no longer
had the creative faculty in me. I used to sit down at my desk every
day, with blank sheets of paper before me, searching for ideas, and
failing to find them, I would again relapse into anxieties of the
present, which meant Juliette, into dread of the future, which again
meant Juliette!... Just as a drunkard clutches and turns his empty
bottle to get the last drop of liquor out of it, so I searched my
brains in the hope of squeezing the least bit of an idea out of it....
Alas! My head was empty!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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