"Ah! my poor Monsieur," lamented old Marie, "what a terrible misfortune!" "Yes; yes," replied my father, "it is a great, a terrible misfortune!" He sank into an armchair, heaving a sigh. I can see him right now with his swollen eyelids, his dejected look, his hanging arms. He had a handkerchief in his hand, and from time to time brought it to his eyes, red from tears. "Perhaps I did not take good care of her, Marie.... She did not like to have me around.... Yet I did what I could, everything I could.... How frightful she looked, all rigid on the bed!... Ah, God! I shall always see her that way. The day after tomorrow she would be thirty-one, would she not?" My father drew me toward him and seated me on his knees. "You love me all the same, don't you, my little Jean?" he asked, rocking me. "Tell me, do you love me? I have no one but you!..." Speaking to himself he said: "Perhaps it is better that it is so. Who knows what the outcome would be later on!... Yes, perhaps it is better this way.... Ah! poor little one, look at me straight!..." And as if at that very moment he had divined in my eyes which resembled the eyes of my mother a whole destiny of suffering, he pressed me close to his breast and burst into tears. "My little Jean!--Ah! my poor little Jean!" Worn out by the emotion and fatigue of the night before, he fell asleep, holding me in his arms. And I, seized suddenly with a feeling of great pity, listened to this unknown heart which for the first time was beating close to mine. It had been decided a few months previous to this that I should not be sent to college, but that I should have a private tutor. My father did not approve of this method of education. But he had met with such opposition that he thought best not to interfere, and just as he had sacrificed his domination of husband over wife, he also gave up his right of a father over me. Now I was to have a tutor, for my father wanted to remain faithful to the wishes of my mother even when she was dead. One fine morning I saw him arrive, a very grave-looking gentleman, very blond, very close shaven, who wore blue spectacles. Monsieur Jules Rigard had very obsolete ideas on education, he carried himself with the stiffness of a servant, and bore a sacerdotal air which, far from encouraging me to learn, made all study disgusting to me. He had been told without a doubt that my mentality was slow and sluggish and, as I understood nothing from his first lesson, he took that judgment for granted and treated me like an idiot. It never occurred to him to penetrate into my young mind, to hold converse with my heart; never did he ask himself whether under this sad mask of a lonesome child there were not hidden ardent aspirations quite beyond my age, an all too passionate and restless nature eager to know, which introspectively and morbidly unfolded itself in the silence of secret thoughts and mute ecstasies.