France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Whether or not in the beginning he felt hurt on that score, I do not
know; at any rate he never showed it. He resigned himself to it.
Between him, who was rather awkward, ignorant and indifferent,--and
her, who was educated, refined and emotional, there was a chasm which
he never for a moment tried to bridge, having neither the desire nor
the ability to do so. This moral situation of two beings united for all
time, whom no community of thought and aspiration ever brought in close
contact with each other, did not in the least trouble my father who
considered himself satisfied if he found the house well managed, the
meals well regulated, his habits and idiosyncrasies well respected. To
my mother, on the other hand, this condition was very painful and made
her heart heavy.
My mother was not beautiful, not even good looking, but there was so
much simple dignity in her carriage, so much natural gracefulness
in her movements, an expression of such broad kindness on her lips,
somewhat pale, and in her eyes which by turns changed their color like
the skies in April and shone like a sapphire, a smile so caressing, so
sad, so humble, that one overlooked her forehead which was a little
too high, swelling out under spots of hair irregularly planted, her
nose all too large and her skin which was ash-colored and metal-like
in appearance and which at times had an eruption of pimples on it.
In her presence, as one of her old friends often told me, and as
since then I sorrowfully realized myself, one felt at first slightly
affected, then gradually carried away and finally violently possessed
by a strange feeling of sympathy in which there was mingled a sort of
affectionate respect, a vague desire, pity, and a longing to offer
oneself as a sacrifice for her. Despite her physical imperfections or
rather because of these very imperfections, she possessed the sad and
irresistible charm which is given to certain creatures privileged by
misfortune, and around whom there floats an atmosphere of something
irreparable. Her childhood and her early youth were periods of illness
and were marked by some disquieting nervous fits. But it was hoped
that marriage, in modifying the conditions of her existence, would
restore her health which the physicians believed was suffering only
from an excessive sensitiveness. It was not so at all. Marriage, on the
contrary, only developed the morbid tendencies that were in her, and
her sensitiveness was heightened to such a degree that, among other
alarming symptoms, my poor mother could not stand the slightest odor,
without being thrown into a fit, which always ended in a swoon. Of
what did she suffer? Why these melancholic fits, these prostrations,
which left her huddled up on the lounge for entire days, motionless
and sullen like an old paralytic? Why these tears which would suddenly
choke her throat to suffocation and for hours roll from her eyes in
burning streams? Why this disgust with everything, which nothing could
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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