Cape Cod (Mass.) -- Fiction; Short stories, American
“And now,” goes on Brown, short and sharp, “let's talk business. Count,”
he says, “you are set back on the books about sixty odd for old home
comforts. We'll cut off half of that and charge it to advertising. You
draw well, as the man said about the pipe. But the other thirty you'll
have to work out. You used to shave like a bird. I'll give you twelve
dollars a week to chip in with Macaroni here and barber the boarders.”
But Dillaway looked anxious.
“Look here, Brown,” he says, “I wouldn't do that. I'll pay his board
bill and his traveling expenses if he clears out this minute. It seems
tough to set him shaving after he's been such a big gun around here.”
I could see right off that the arrangement suited Brown first rate and
was exactly what he'd been working for, but he pretended not to care
much for it.
“Oh! I don't know,” he says. “I'd rather be a sterling barber than a
plated count. But anything to oblige you, Mr. Dillaway.”
So the next day there was a nobleman missing at the “Old Home House,”
and all we had to remember him by was a trunk full of bricks. And Peter
T. Brown and the “queen” was roosting in the Lover's Nest; and the new
Italian was busy in the barber shop. He could shave, too. He shaved me
without a pull, and my face ain't no plush sofy, neither.
And before the season was over the engagement was announced. Old
Dillaway took it pretty well, considering. He liked Peter, and his
having no money to speak of didn't count, because Ebenezer had enough
for all hands. The old man said he'd been hoping for a son-in-law
sharp enough to run the “Consolidated Stores” after he was gone, and it
looked, he said, as if he'd found him.
THE SOUTH SHORE WEATHER BUREAU
“But,” says Cap'n Jonadab and me together, jest as if we was “reading in
concert” same as the youngsters do in school, “but,” we says, “will it
work? Will anybody pay for it?”
“Work?” says Peter T., with his fingers in the arm-holes of the
double-breasted danger-signal that he called a vest, and with his cigar
tilted up till you'd think 'twould set his hat-brim afire. “Work?” says
he. “Well, maybe 'twouldn't work if the ordinary brand of canned
lobster was running it, but with ME to jerk the lever and sound the loud
timbrel--why, say! it's like stealing money from a blind cripple that's
hard of hearing.”
“Yes, I know,” says Cap'n Jonadab. “But this ain't like starting the Old
Home House. That was opening up a brand-new kind of hotel that nobody
ever heard of before. This is peddling weather prophecies when there's
the Gov'ment Weather Bureau running opposition--not to mention the Old
Farmer's Almanac, and I don't know how many more,” he says.
Brown took his patent leathers down off the rail of the piazza, give the
ashes of his cigar a flip--he knocked 'em into my hat that was on the
floor side of his chair, but he was too excited to mind--and he says:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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