=Dear Billy=—Don’t you think the short skirts the girls are wearing make us look lots shorter?—=Daisy Fields.= Yes, Daisy, but they make us men look lots longer, so what’s the difference? * * * * * =Dear Billy=—As you were in the United States army during the recent war, I wish you would inform me as to the principal ailments the boys got from abroad.—=Prophylactic Pete.= I am unable to answer your question, Peter, but have referred it to Private Iodine Ike of the Cotton Batting corps. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—I am lame, halt, nearly blind and 85 years old. What job do you think I should work at?—=R. J.= Would suggest you apply for the position of gardener in a young woman’s seminary. * * * * * =Dear Cap.=—I’ve just composed a song for my 1920-21 “Record Breakers” show, entitled “The Stockyards Rag.” I’m enclosing a copy to get your opinion of it.—=Jack Read=, the “Information Kid.” Dear Jack: The words of your song are all right, but I don’t like the “air.” It doesn’t smell just right. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—What is your opinion of regulated public dance halls and do you believe there is a cure for the alleged dance evil?—=Ichabod Iliad.= I say, on with the dance, let joy be unconfined, there is gladness unabated since Maggie Murphy dined. Did you, my dear Ichabod, ever see a teakettle bubble, dance, sing and boiler over? Well, that was the effect. The pep, fire and energy underneath it was the cause. You can’t put out the fire by removing the teakettle to a cooler spot. Therefore you can’t cure evil thinking by doing away with dancing. Fire, pep, energy is the natural results we get from the disgusting habit we have of eating. Consequently if we remove the cause, which is eating, evil thinking or dancing, which is the effect, will cure themselves. * * * * * =Dear Editor=—Please help me. I was out with a young lady for the first time when she saw some jewelry. She said she wished to buy some but had left her pocketbook at home. What should I have done?—=Troubled Tom.= You should have lent the lady five cents to go home and get her pocketbook. Always be a gentleman. * * * * * =Dear Billy=—Is it essential that a “movie vamp” have dark hair and eyes?—=Blondie.= No, Blondie, you still have a chance. A vamp doesn’t have to have dark hair and eyes. I know of lots of blond ones, with big blue eyes, and several red-headed ones. * * * * * =Dear Whiz Bang=—Is there any truth in the rumor that Douglas Fairbanks is already considering getting a divorce from Mary Pickford?—=Ima Darby.=