Married life’s Hell— So they say; You get home late— There’s Hell to pay; I suppose it is Hell If babe cries all night, And doctor bills— They’re Hell all right. But still there’s “Hell, yes”; “Hell, no,” And “Oh, Hell,” too; “The Hell you don’t” And “The Hell you do.” Now, how in the Hell Can anyone tell, What in the Hell We mean by Hell. —By Numatic, Akron, O. * * * * * =Learning.= I used to be old-fashioned, I never came to town, But now, by gosh, I’m lickity-split, I love the girls around. I hug ’em, I kiss ’em, I’m a regular up to date. By gollys I’m getting wild, But you city ginks just wait. —Bill Bancroft. * * * * * =Maud Muller= Maud Muller, on nice summer day, Raked in meadows sveet vith hay. Her eyes ban sharp lak gude sharp knife; She ban nice girl, ay bet yure life. Before she ban dar wery long, She start to senging little song. The Yudge come riding down big hill In nice red yumping ottomobill. Maude say, “Hello, Yudge,—how ban yu?” The Yudge say, “Maudie, how y’ du?” He say: “Skol yu tak little ride? Ef yu skol lak to, yump inside.” So Maude and Yudge ride ’bout sax miles, And Yudge skol bask in Maude’s sveet smiles. The Yudge say, “Skol yu be my pal?” Den ottomobill bust all to hal. Den Maude ban valking ’bout half vay Back to meadows sveet vith hay. “Ay luv yu still, dear,” said the Yudge; But Maude she only say, “O fudge!” Of all sad vords dat men skol talk, The saddest ban, “Valk, yu sucker, valk!” * * * * * =Girls! Read This One= A girl may laugh, a girl may sing; A girl may knit and crochet, But she can’t scratch a match On the seat of her pants, Because she’s not built that way. * * * * * =Girls=