Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol 1, No. 11, August, 1920: America's Magazine of Wit, Humor and FilosophyVarious
History
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol 1, No. 11, August, 1920: America's Magazine of Wit, Humor and Filosophy
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
Price slashing continues. Snow shovels, ear muffs and overcoats are
coming down in price.
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=_Our Mail Bag_=
=John=—I think you must be speaking of pickles; olives are never warped.
* * * * *
=C. P.=—Use one end of the fork, only.
* * * * *
=Agnes=—The male should buy the tickets—at least his own. Would suggest
that you send me your picture. After all I may be wrong.
* * * * *
=L. M. & C. D.=—“You are both wrong.” Question 1—It was Richard B.
Sheridan the lady was speaking of. Phil Sheridan took the ride and it
was Martin Sheridan “who threw things,” as you so aptly put it. Question
2—She must have thought you a couple of mutts.
* * * * *
=Mr. B.=—I am sorry but I know of no way to keep the ears from flapping.
Is Jessie your wife or your horse?
* * * * *
=T. U.=—You cannot lay the blame to your hostess. One should not expect
the chicken to be nailed to the plate.
* * * * *
=Maggie=—No, tea is not tackled nor is it lapped. Sip perhaps is the
word you seek.
* * * * *
=Henery=—If you must speak of them, use the word “Suspenders.” “Braces”
are doubtful, while gallowses, well, you strike me with horror.
Gallowses are obsolete in good society. Yes, an old-fashioned man is one
who wears suspenders.
* * * * *
=Percy=—No, you are not expected to kiss the girl in the vestibule. It
is not being done these days.
* * * * *
=Bill Grabb=—If you think you have a good chance with the lady and are
sure about her income, hire a taxi. Life is a gamble, anyway. Take a
chance; Steve Brodie did.
* * * * *
=H. G. P.=—We thank you for the two following items. They’re “birds”: A
young man and girl eloped and when they reached Pensacola he wired the
girl’s mother as follows: “Married Gladys in Pensacola today. Am going
to Tampa with her tomorrow.”
You can lead a mule to water, but it takes Bull Durham Tobacer.
* * * * *
=Mae=—The skins of potatoes become jackets upon leaving the kitchen.
* * * * *
=Ed.=—Yes, it would be best to use your handkerchief.
* * * * *
=Miss Sylvia=—If you are unfamiliar with the artichoke turn it down. No
book can help you. It is one of the most treacherous traps that a
newly-rich-society-climber can fall into. I dare not advise you.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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