“No, it wasn’t your husband this time,” said Mary Ann. “It was your chauffeur.” * * * * * Sweet Kisses He—“Oh, dearie, please give me just one.” She—“I can’t.” “Why?” “It’s Lent.” “Will you when you get it back?” * * * * * Another good drink has been scratched off our list when we make our rounds of the bootleg joints—sherry and egg, for with eggs at a dollar a dozen and sherry 90 cents a finger, we can’t make the grade. However, as McIntyre & Heath might say, if we had some sherry, we could have sherry and egg, if we had an egg. * * * * * He Gets a Tip The dinner was excellent, and what made it better still was the fact that the girl who waited at table was one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen in his life. And now it was time for him to leave his host and hostess and return to town. As luck would have it, however, it was discovered, too late, that the last train had gone. There was no alternative—he would have to stay the night, but the difficulty was that the house was full. At last a bright idea seemed to strike the hostess. “I hardly like to suggest it,” she said, “but would you mind turning in with the cook?” Knowing full well that they kept only the one maid, whom he had already seen, he accepted the offer with almost unseemly alacrity. “Oh, that’s all right,” said the hostess, obviously much relieved; “the bed will be quite large enough—you’ll find him quite a superior man; indeed, he’s engaged to our parlormaid.” * * * * * Oh, Mommer, Boil My Socks We’ve heard a lot of boarding house jokes, but the one our hired man, Gus, tells is the prize winner. Gus was boarding in Chicago once where they had no napkins. Whenever Gus wanted to wipe his fingers he called the shaggy Newfoundland dog and rubbed them in the dog’s hair. Saturday night the cook washed the dog and Sunday morning they had soup. Questions and Answers =Dear Captain Billy=—Why is a marriage performed on Friday considered unlucky?—=Hoo Dew.= Friday is so named because alloted to Frigga, the goddess of marriage. Perhaps that is why ceremonies on that day are so unlucky. * * * * * =Dear Captain Billy=—My husband insists on wandering about the house barefooted at night, and I’ve been wondering if the servants have been attracting him out of his slumbers. What should I do?—=Miriam DeVorce.= A few tacks placed judiciously about the house will cure your husband’s night walking in his bare feet. * * * * * =Dear Captain Bill=—My fiance says she will not marry me until I have done something big in life. Can you suggest something?—=Worried Romeo.= Why not try washing elephants. * * * * * =Dear Skipper Bill=—What is meant by a “ruined career?”—=Carrie A. Kidd.= Bartending. * * * * *