It was Christmas at the workhouse, And the convicts gathered there. They were sitting at the table, Partaking of their fare, When the warden quietly entered, And he shouted through the cells, “Merry Christmas, good old convicts,” And the convicts answered “Bells.” Now this made the warden angry, And he swore by all the Gods, “You shall have no Christmas pudding. You’re a dang big bunch of slobs.” Then spoke the oldest convict, With a voice that was not pure, “Just take that Christmas pudding, And shove it in the sewer.” —By Dan Moriarty. * * * * * Underneath the Barroom Floor ’Twas a balmy summer evening And a goodly crowd was there But it wasn’t in the barroom For the barrooms now are bare. * * * * * The Maiden’s Lament _That Perkins’ boy is awfully slow_ _Parley vou._ _That Perkins’ boy is awfully slow_ _Parley vou._ _That Perkins’ boy is awfully slow_ _He believes me when I tell him “no.”_ _Hinkey dinkey parley vou._ * * * * * A Lady’s Query By W. D. Nesbit Is it ladylike to giggle? Is it ladylike to wink? Is it ladylike to ride a horse a-straddle? Is it ladylike to wiggle? Is it ladylike to drink? Is it ladylike upon the beach to paddle? Is it ladylike to mutter? Is it ladylike to stare? Is it ladylike to do those fancy dances? Is it ladylike to sputter? Is it ladylike to swear? Is it ladylike to use expressive glances? Is it ladylike to gurgle? Is it ladylike to joke? Is it ladylike to boast of being wealthy? Is it ladylike to burgle? Is it ladylike to smoke? Is it ladylike to know that you are healthy? Is it ladylike to shiver? Is it ladylike to weep? Is it ladylike to walk through forests shady? Is it ladylike to quiver? Is it ladylike to peep? Is it ladylike to be a little lady? _Budd’s Bundle of Bunk_ BY BUDD L. McKILLIPS “My,” said the old lady after her first night auto ride into the country, “the people who fix automobiles will make a lot of money tomorrow. Every few blocks there was a car standing with nobody around it. It was so dark that I couldn’t see if they were smashed up, but I guess the people must have walked back to town.” * * * * * Omar Up To Date What is it the bootlegger buys One-half so vicious as the stuff he sells? * * * * * Blank Verse EMIL ASKED CLARA TO TAKE A WALK WITH HIM AND PICK FLOWERS, BUT CLARA’S BROTHER CAME ALONG, AND SO THEY PICKED FLOWERS. * * * * *