Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 3, No. 25, October, 1921: America's Magazine of Wit, Humor and FilosophyVarious
General
Captain Billy's Whiz Bang, Vol. 3, No. 25, October, 1921: America's Magazine of Wit, Humor and Filosophy
Various
American wit and humor -- Periodicals
This “Beach” Club is a place of financial and moral wrecks. It is openly
run in defiance of the Florida state law against gambling. There is not
a law of man or God that it does not break, except the one that unless
you wear a tuxedo or Prince Albert you cannot enter. Here hearts, heads
and bank accounts are broken. Fabulous amounts exchange hands among
the players. If you are just a looker-on you pay for the privilege—a
dollar for a glass of water or ten dollars a plate for a light luncheon.
Question: Why does the government pinch the little gamblers and permit
this “White House” to be a black palace of ruin and despair?
There is some excuse for the routine of an insane asylum but none for
the silly Palm Beach daily program. Here it is: Yawns, idleness, ennui
and indigestion; dressing for beach and undressing for dinner; sun-tan
of the “Browning Club” and tonic baths; whisking around in an invalid
wheel chair in company of dudes and pug-dogs; driveling talk of clothes
and looks; drinking pink tea or cocktails; reading the latest trash;
spooning, dancing, flirting, golfing, yachting, sporting, and parading
high-priced dogs, cats and monkeys whose mentality and morals are often
higher than their owners’.
Even Mother Nature here is togged out in society form, laced and
corseted. Trees and flowers are trimmed out of all picturesqueness;
natural curves give way to geometrical squares; lawns are imprisoned
in concrete curbs; the air is perfumed with the balmy fragrance of
cigarettes and cigars; there in no rest found beneath palms, fruit
trees or among plants and flowers on account of the stinging swarms of
society gnats. Florid Florida folders describe Palm Beach as “paradise,”
but the attractions to me were outside of the garden. Everything is
over-estimated. It is very far from the luxuriance of Hawaii, the sport
of Monte Carlo, the beauty and history of Mediterranean resorts. It takes
more than a railroad and a big hotel to beat them.
Palm Beach pauperizes and provokes. Her short season sickens and shames.
She is the painted, pampered prostitute of Florida. “Do as you damn
please” is her motto. This was no place for a minister’s son, so I
stood not upon the order of my going, but went by the first midnight
train—before I lost all my money and morals.
* * * * *
Froth Pulls This One
Belle—I don’t understand why Clarice lets that common grocery boy play
around with her?
Buoy—Neither do I, unless it’s because he delivers the goods.
_Our New York Gossip_
Heaven forbid that I should be catty about this; but I marvel at the
new medical malady introduced into the world by the great Mlle. Suzanne
Lenglen, the French tennis star.
It is a peculiar kind of bronchial cough that only comes on when you
are getting licked. The peculiarity of the disease that the paroxysm of
coughing take place every time one loses a point; the gaining of a point
is followed by an immediate, temporary recovery.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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