* * * * * A Gimme For Fair First he said “Gimme a kiss,” Then he said “Gimme a hug,” Then he wanted “A lock of my hair.” I filled these requests with glee. Then to prove truly that he was a “gimme” The brute, he gave me “the air.” (’Tis tuff, sister, ’tis tuff.) * * * * * Getting the Sheckels Why wait until you’re old and bent? The wise bird took ’em as he went. * * * * * Over in Italy they have a new drink, made out of prunes. They call it Prunell. That’s nothing. Over here they have a new drink made out of raisins. They call it Raisenell. * * * * * Stranger (winking): Can you direct me to a good drug store? Villager: You’re talking to one right now. * * * * * The ocean wearily exclaimed, “Incessantly I go; I wonder that I don’t get corns Upon my undertow.” * * * * * The first Tommy was ruddy of complexion, with a huge growth of beard of the hue known as auburn. The second was smooth shaven. Said the latter: “I useter have a beard like that till I saw myself in the glass. Then I cut it off.” But the bearded man was not dismayed. “Much better ’ave left it on, mate,” he returned gently. “I useter have a face like yours till I saw it in the glass. Then I growed this beard.” * * * * * How Do They Get That Way? Mother—Come, Bobbie, don’t be a little savage—kiss the lady. Bobbie—No, she’s a naughty lady. If I kiss her she may give me a slap just like she did Papa. * * * * * That’s Righto! The man who has the love and confidence of a good woman, and whom the children run to meet when he is coming home from his work at night, may no be rated as a millionaire, by Bad Street and Done, but High-Gate Pete has him pretty well lined up in the Babe Ruth class! * * * * * George, my boy, when a girl really loves you she’ll wade through hell for you unprotected and with her hair unleashed and streaming defiantly behind her as Love’s Unconquerable Flag. You’re the whole works to her—from the engineer to the president, and the directors and stockholders heaved in for good measure. All other men, compared to you, are only accidents or bellhops. * * * * * The Modern Way A jug o’ pumpernickel, a hunk o’ buttermilk and a case of near-beer, a pinch o’ limburger and a bouquet of green onions, a ukelele, an electric fan and a fly swatter, a porch hammock, the Whiz Bang, a package of cigarettes, a few jazz records and a chicken and you couldn’t wish Harding’s job on me! * * * * *